The Collateral Damage of Love
by Anom.Anom1
Summary: How can you possibly heal when nothing makes sense. Two lovers, a psych and one long road to recovery.
1. Chapter 1

A/N:

Hi, so, I'm really really rusty at writing so please bare with me. I had an account on here previously, but I've forgotten the password, so here I am again.

I'm not too sure how long this fic will be, but I'm hoping to make it a couple of chapters long if people enjoy the read.

Notes regarding the fic:

• It is set two years after series 4 episode 20.  
• I think episode 20 will slightly differ in this fic. I will include how it would have happened later on so please bare that in mind.  
• I am not a psychologist and I have absolutely no idea how they work. This is just what I had in my head? (Any tips would be greatly appreciated).

Hope you enjoy the read.

The collateral damage of love

Eddie. Melissa. Phil. Adam. Waterloo Road.

They all had different places in her heart, but she knew they'd end up killing her if she were to carry on in this spiralling state. They'd all brought her pain of some sort and she needed to fix it. She was on the verge of desperation and Rachel Mason had never been desperate.

Life had been tough to say the least. Two years had gone and she was unsure what she was doing.

Those awful white walls. That awful ticking of the clock. That awful, and by god that awful chair. How all very very clinical. Here she was again. It had been the third session that she had attended. As for the sessions, she hadn't told anyone - not even Adam and they were _married_. She couldn't even bare to admit where she was to herself. Morrisons. That's what she had told Adam. What a stupid lie.

Dr Paul Williams. He was going to help her. He was going to save her. She hated the place, however as much as she didn't always like to admit, it was relief. She could talk and it wouldn't leave the room. It was her secret. So here she was, 4:30pm on a Thursday. Her usual time and not a minute late.

'Honesty'. Dr Williams sat and observed her as she raised her eyebrow and almost scoffed at his chosen word. He knew there would be some sort of sarcastic nature to her tone.

'You want me to talk about honesty?'. It was almost laughable. That's all she'd bloody been during these sessions. How ridiculous.

'It'll help, Rachel. Research shows-', he tried to support his chosen subject. He just wanted her to open up and give him something to work with. He needed to understand in order to help.

Within seconds she had cut him off, almost biting with her response, 'That's research. This is my life. This was somebody I loved. Somebody I'd confided in. My past, it's complicated – as you know'. Stern with absolutely no hesitation in her voice.

'Loved. That's interesting. Adam or Eddie'. Great. How could she answer that? My god, that was a sore subject to say the least. Looking him dead in the eyes, she replied 'Does it matter?'.

'You're paying me to help'. She knew he was right. In her mind Miss Mason, wait .. Mrs Fleet would never admit to the help that she needed. Her eyes swarmed with what he could only describe as desperation.

'I'm paying you to tell me I'm not crazy', her voice was clear. She most definitely was not crazy.

'You're not crazy', he'd given her the answer she wanted. He knew she wasn't crazy, she was just broken.

'Eddie'. There is was. She knew she couldn't lie. This man ... he was a professional. The room fell completely silent for what was maybe a minute. She crossed her leg over and her fingers almost automatically entwined. She had said too much.

'Do you still think about him?', he knew asking this might have sent her too far. Maybe he'd pushed the boundaries, but he knew she needed to talk. She needed that release to find the freedom.

'No. Ye- I mean how do you not still think about somebody who you should still be with?', her voice almost broke as she'd revealed her true thoughts. This was far deeper than anyone had ever known.

_'Should still be with'. _He wanted more, and he knew she wasn't finished. He thought to maybe ask more but silence fell again and he gave her the chance to elaborate.

'Well, I mean if Mel hadn't come back-', he didn't need to hear any more. It was almost as if she were feeding an excuse. This wasn't the right time to approach this. Her feelings with still raw and her resentment still strong. There was more to it that just Melissa. He made a mental note to ask her another time, maybe another session.

'So what about Adam? Where does he fit in?', Dr Williams changed the subject. He wanted to approach this in the most direct way. She almost raised her brow again and then diverted her eyes down and to the right. Sighing she almost whispered, 'I don't know'. She was most definitely talking to herself.

'Do you love him?', her eyes remained looking down as he asked her.

'Can you love two people?'. Her eyes darted to meet his. He couldn't read her. What was that? There was no emotion, she just fell flat. She wanted him to answer, and so, he answered, 'You can love two people, but as for being in love, then no'. There it was.

'Well I guess there's your answer'. From her words, he then knew it was Eddie and it always had been. Again, he wasn't going to push her. He needed to keep the conversation ticking and not run himself so deep that she'd refused to talk further.

'The baby', she winced. Those two short words. This was difficult and was definitely not what she wanted to talk about. She hadn't felt pain like this in years. She couldn't get her words out, they just wouldn't come out as she'd hoped. She wanted to be confident. She needed to be confident.

'The ba- baby?', it was a stutter but she got there. She did it.

'Niece ,nephew …', Dr Williams was definitely on thin ice. This was painful for even him to digest. This was the damage. This was the grenade and everything else was the collateral damage.

It had been two minutes since he had left his conversation open ready for her. She hadn't replied. Tears brimmed in her eyes and he'd offered her a tissue, but she'd refused. Using the end of her sleeve, she furiously wiped them away. She was not doing this. She would not cry; not again.

'Er no contact' , she'd finally spoke. He butted in almost far too quickly, 'Why?'. _Who on earth was he to question why?! _She wanted to leave and she wanted to leave fast.

She took a deep breath and answered, 'I couldn't. It was too hard. Eddie, Melissa, even Phil, I couldn't face them. I had to close the book'.

'The book or the chapter?', he'd asked this to lightly skirt around the real problem.

'The book. I needed to take myself away from that story as you will. I couldn't possibly bare it and I knew that I had to let him go', she cocked her head to the side and watched as he reacted.

'But if you're not happy now then why haven't you let Adam go?', bringing his fingers to rest on the edge of the arms of the chair, he watched her digest his words.

'I didn't say I wasn't happy. I said I wasn't in love'. It was a fair point and he couldn't really argue it as much as he would have liked. He was only really here to listen and help direct her.

It was a difficult question but he wanted to ask, 'Answer me this. Ten years ago, if you were in a relationship and you weren't in love, would you stay or walk?'. His body leant slightly forward to hear what she had to say and he couldn't afford to miss a word.

'Why does that matter? Can't we just focus on this?', my word she was desperate to stay clear of this one.

'Curiosity I suppose?', he searched and searched for any kind of emotion or body movement that would reflect her feelings, and just like that, it happened.

She crossed her arms, almost like the kids would have done in school after receiving some sort of run in with one of the teachers. It must have rubbed off on her. Sighing, she gave him an answer, 'Fine. No, I wouldn't have stayed'. Black and white there it was. No. So why on earth was she still in the relationship?!

He nodded for her to continue. He didn't need to ask, although he did know there would be another painful excuse. And just like, there it was, 'Pride. I don't want a failed marriage. I married him knowing that I still loved Eddie. I got myself into this mess', she was tired of talking. She most certainly did not want to talk any more.

'I don't think that's it. The way you are. That wouldn't have stopped you. I think it's because you're afraid of being lonely again. I want you to be honest'. He'd hit the nail straight on the head. Looking away, she stood, grabbed her things and cleared her throat, 'I have to go'. She was not facing this today.

Rushing to the exit of the building, she had missed _him_ by seconds.

5:00pm on Thursday afternoon. Dr Williams had forgotten to check with his secretary for any changes to the usual schedule, and low and behold there was one. Almost in a heap of sweat, he panicked. This was not to happen; they were not to cross. It was only by pure coincidence that they had both been having sessions with him. He leapt out from his room and sighed in relief as Eddie were only just opening the front door. They hadn't seen each other. That could not happen again and he'd be sure to note that.

It could have been dangerous and she was not ready for that.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N:

Thank you for the lovely reviews, as I already have the next chapter done I thought I'd post it. Updates from now on will be posted every couple of days. I hope this chapter still keeps people interested. I'm hesitant on just throwing them together straight away, I'd like to post more chapters and explore things in more detail.

Thank you, again.

The collateral damage of love

Rachel. Melissa. Phil. Holly. Adam.

He couldn't stop thinking. That's all he had done for the last 2 years. They'd all brought him pain of some sort and he needed to fix it. He was on the verge of desperation and Eddie Lawson had never been desperate.

Life had been tough to say the least. Two years had gone and he was unsure what he was doing.

5:01. A minute late. Typical Eddie Lawson. Blaming that bloody Rochdale traffic and the fact that he just almost nearly forgot.

Briskly opening the door, he found Dr Williams stood almost wide-eyed gawping at him. 'Sorry, am I late?', he knew he was late, only by a minute though, it could have been worse. Dr Williams smiled and showed him in. Eddie was totally unaware of what could have just happened.

\- - -

'So then, have things got any better since our last session?', Dr Williams was still recovering from the event that could have unfolded in front of him. He was not ready for that. Eddie was not ready for that. Rachel was most certainly not ready for that. Still, he had to continue with the session.

Eddie leant forward in the chair and rested his hands on his thighs. 'Melissa wants me to be around more. I get it. I just-'. He paused, he didn't really want to dive straight in.

'You just?', Dr Williams began to make mental notes. He wasn't ever really one to action written notes. Raising his brow, he waited for Eddie to continue.

'Rach. I cant and I wont ever stop thinking', he was honest. There was a hint of sadness detected in his voice. This was the reality of a broken man.

'How often do you think about her?', raising the cup of coffee to his lips, Dr Williams knew he was getting into unknown waters.

'I shouldn't say. It's not fair on Melissa or Holly', guilt flashed across Eddie's face and he knew it wasn't the way he wanted this session to go.

'Eddie it's okay to be open. How often does she cross your mind?', setting his coffee down, he looked up at Eddie to give him his full attention.

'Strictly confidential?', asked Eddie hoping that it would only ever stay between them.

'Like I say'. He trusted him. He trusted anything said would stay within these four walls.

'All the time. I almost feel guilty for doing it', his tone lowered half way through. He felt sadness wash over him again. How could he do this to his daughter? He had to be in this relationship for her. She needed a mum and a dad. This would not be a repeat of Michael. He would not let that happen.

'Why?', pressing his fingertips together, Dr Williams grew more and more intrigued by this man.

'Because I shouldn't be. I need to be happy with Melissa now'. Eddie wasn't lying, he really did want to try and be happy, just not for himself.

'Have you ever thought about contacting Rachel?'. There it was. The question that Eddie had hoped that Dr Williams would never ask.

'I did', he couldn't stop the words escaping his mouth. Looking him dead in the eyes, Eddie could see no surprise on his face. Why was he not shocked? Was he just that good at his job? Did he always know that Eddie couldn't just stay away?

'You did?', Dr Williams did ask but deep down he thought something might have happened. Rachel hadn't mentioned a word, and honestly, he expected that of her.

'Last year. I know I know, I shouldn't have. I just couldn't stop myself. I told her I'd been a prat. I told her I was happy for her, you know with Adam', Eddie dropped his head once more and took a long gaze at the awful rug in front of him. These places really were awful, but he needed to vent.

'Do you think she is?'

'What?', lifting his head he sighed almost in frustration as to why he was questioning everything. But that was his job, and Eddie had put himself in that situation.

'Happy'. It made his heart hurt, how could she be happy. She wasn't with him.

'I hope so'. That was a lie. Of course he wanted her to be happy but not with Adam.

'Even if it means forgetting you?', Dr Williams knew he'd pushed it. It were as if steam were to pour from Eddie's ears and the fine standing table in front of him were to appear upside down.

'Is that some sort of stupid question?', Eddie had raised his voice. He was not an angry man but this was too much.

'Absolutely not. Did she ever reply, you know, to your message?', changing the subject quickly was definitely going to calm this situation.

'No'.

'How did that make you feel?', he knew he was pushing again. Eddie was like a ticking time bomb.  
'How do you think that made me feel? I felt like an idiot', Eddie muttered, he didn't want to get angry, he knew these questions were necessary.

'You're not an idiot'. Its true, he wasn't an idiot.

'Just crazy?', almost smirking at Eddie's question, he held everything together and remained professional. How peculiar that crazy was mentioned twice in that one day. In all honesty, they were both crazy. Crazy in love, how cliche.

'No. You're just lost'. Truth was, he was lost. He was lost in a relationship that he didn't want to be in. Lost without the one woman who quite frankly was keeping him together. He had lost everything.

'I just wish I could speak to her, you know, make sure she's okay. Make sure that she's happy and -', Eddie stopped in his tracks, he couldn't bare the next part. Dr Williams had encouraged him to continue, 'And?'.

Eddie shifted his eyes upwards and away from the Dr's glare, 'To make sure that she really loves Adam'. If only Eddie had known her true feelings. As usual, Eddie was pressed further with another question, 'Why wouldn't she?'.

'Loneliness. It's the killer. I've been there and look what I've got myself into now. She moved on so quickly, I mean not that I blame her, I just hope it's for the right reasons'. Bingo. There it was.

'Has she still not met Holly?', Dr Williams knew she hadn't but he wanted his story this time. He needed to piece together the puzzle.

'No. I don't want her to'. The room fell completely silent, almost to the extent that the ticking of the clock was magnified by ten.

'You don't? That's a pretty big statement to make'. Confusion. This was really rattling Dr Williams and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He took his glasses off and set them down. Crossing his arms and legs, he cleared his throat and Eddie continued after sensing his cue.

'You don't understand', his voice pleaded, he pleaded that he wouldn't ask anymore. His fingers rubbed at his temples and his eyes closed at the thought.

'I don't? Why?', Dr Williams knew there was more. Something was being kept buried way beneath the surface and there was absolutely no way he could keep digging in this session. He was becoming tired. This was far more complex than he'd originally thought. And like Rachel, Eddie was desperate to change the subject.

'It would kill her', the air felt thick. Emotions on Eddie's part ran high. He couldn't talk about this. He was ready for other things but this, this was still raw.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

This chapter is a little bit of a filler. It is long and I do apologise! There are some notes just for people to follow

• Ruby teaches the choir for John Fosters.  
• Matt didn't leave and still remains teaching at Waterloo Road.  
• Eddie joined John Fosters as head when he left Waterloo Road.

Thank you again for the lovely comments, I very much appreciate them!

The collateral damage of love

**Five, Four, Three, Two, One. **

The bell rang out harshly battering against the walls of Waterloo Road. It was Friday, and my word was she glad. Taking safety in her office she sat, head back, eyes closed. Yesterday was rough. She'd explored thoughts, feelings and approached things that she thought she'd never be able to talk about ever again. This was exhausting.

Footsteps echoed a few feet away from her desk and her eyes shot open. There he was. Guilt. She didn't want to feel like this anymore.

'I thought we were travelling together today?'. He was agitated and to be honest, she couldn't blame him. She had promised that they would travel together.

'I had paperwork, you know what I'm like, I can't just leave it'. Rachel remained behind her desk and shuffled some paperwork to look as though she'd been busy. He knew, I mean he wasn't that stupid.

'You've been off with me since you got home last night Rachel', there was sadness detected in his voice and she felt even more guilt wash over her.

'I haven't Adam, I'm just tired'. His expression softened at her words, the bags under her eyes were a clear giveaway that she hadn't slept in days and every minute consumed by something or someone.

'You need a break, away from this place'.

'Adam I can't'. That was a lie, she most definitely needed a break and a long one at that.

Raising his hands and sighing, he argued, 'Rachel, you've been complaining you're tired but you won't do anything about it!'. There it was, frustration had echoed through his voice again.

'Adam, please, I just want a weekend at home'. Her eyes grew tired and she couldn't muster the energy to look him in the eye. She knew it was wrong, she was his wife, and she wasn't giving him the love like she had promised.

'I want to help Rachel, let's go away, we don't have to go far, desperation sparked in his voice and he set her hands on her desk to grab some attention. It worked. She raised her head and sternly, like the headmistress she was, she replied, 'Adam I said no-'. It was short and harsh and before she could add anything else, the likes of Steph Haydock made her presence.

'Knock knock, sorry to interrupt 'the private party' but there's something that I need to discuss with you. Bolton smile is giving me cheek and we're not even a few minutes in', resting her hand on the frame of the door, she smirked and watched as Rachel rolled her eyes, as usual.

'Steph, there is no 'private party' here and as for Bolton, you should be able to control him'. Rachel was not in the mood for this. Not Steph. Not Adam. Not anyone.

'Rachel that's harsh'. From the glare that Adam had received, he knew that she would not take his comment lightly, and that she did not, 'Adam, I do not need your input thank you'.

He knew there was nothing he could do, he was wrong, again. Nothing he did was right. Admitting defeat, he muttered, 'Fine'. Storming out of the office, he had hoped that she would run after him.

'Trouble in paradise I see', almost gloating, Steph folded her arms and looked ahead at the woman in front of her. It was getting frosty in such a small and confined space.

'Let's just concentrate on your class, shall we?'

**. . .**

Marching down the corridor, Rachel had arrived at Miss Haydock's class. 'Bolton, a word outside now please', he shot his head from his desk and followed Rachel outside. The sound of his classmates sniggering could be heard as she forcibly shut the door.

'Right, do you want to tell me why you've been giving Miss Haydock cheek already? Come on, you're better than that', perching her lips together she waited for his excuse.

'Nah miss, I didn't even give her cheek, it was Paul init', he shifted his eyes everywhere but to look at her. It wasn't Paul, it was him, he just didn't fancy the run in with Miss Mason today.

She could, however, read him like a book. Very much like Bolton, she did not fancy an argument and so calmly but with still very much authority replied, 'Look, whether it was you or Paul just behave please. I don't want to hear any more about you today, okay?'.

Shoving his hands in his pockets and finally bringing his eyes to look at her, he muttered every so quietly, 'Yes miss -'.

Matt stormed his way down the corridor–very much like Rachel had done five minutes earlier–and in a frantic and panic state gushed about the choir. 'Rachel, the choir, we don't have enough people for the competition'.

'Competition?', her eyes were a picture, she had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. There was no competition as far as she was aware.

'Yeah, you know, the annual competition'. Worry. Matt was such a worrier. His arms were waving everywhere as he flapped about the bloody competition.

Silence.

It hit her. The competition. Waterloo Road. John Fosters. She would be there. He would be there.

Her hand had risen to her chest, and she gulped, 'When?'.

'Two weeks, they didn't think to hold it this year like last year, but apparently they're going to', he watched as panic etched into her brow and she stumbled with her words, 'Er .. sorry Matt, I didn't know .. I er, maybe we just withdraw then?'.

Bolton had been frowning from the corner of her eye and she had almost forgotten that he was still standing there, 'Can't do that miss, the choir competition is well good'.

'Are you volunteering Bolton?'. Matt was serious. Bolton was tone deaf, but he was desperate. With that, Bolton scuffled back into the classroom. He was not singing.

'Sorry Matt, can we talk about this later?', she wanted to run, much like Bolton actually.

'Well Rachel, we have two weeks-'. She was halfway down the corridor as she shouted back at him, 'We'll talk later'.

**One, Two, Three, Four, Five.**

He sat, the seconds ticking by as the school filled with endless chatter and the robust children scattered across the corridors. He sighed at the thought of the ever so large amount of paperwork on his desk. Paperwork was never his thing; it was hers. Rachel, he had thought about her, again.

His attention drew back to the session the day before and he realised the pain was real. He missed her, tremendously. The pen he was holding almost slipped from his fingertips as he continued to gaze ahead, his figure still hunched over in the chair. He was that transfixed that he almost jumped out of his skin at a voice, 'You okay mate?'. It was Chris.

Clearing his throat, adjusting the paperwork and setting the pen down–who was he kidding anyway-he smiled. 'Yeah, sorry, I was thinking about all this bloody paperwork I have to get done'.

'Ah, it's a killer. Was just wondering if you'd seen the email that came through yesterday afternoon?', resting both hands on the frame of the door, he waited for Eddie's reply.

'The choir? I had a quick look', Eddie wasn't lying, he had looked, just only at the subject line.

'Yeah, it's the competition again. Think you did one with Waterloo Road, didn't you?'. The competition. He'd been such an idiot. If he were to have read the email, then he wouldn't have been in this awkward situation.

He needed to look. He needed to know. Waterloo Road. Would they be there?

Eddie quickly jumped up out of his seat and hastily gathered his composure.

'Er .. yeah, sorry Chris, I've just got to see Ruby about something'.

'I've got a free period second lesson, we can have a quick look at it then', Chris tried to get every word in before Eddie had practically flown into the main corridor.

**. . .**

Knocking, well almost giving it two thumps in Eddie's case, he found Ruby teaching her year 8's. 'Ruby, have you got a minute?'.

She wiped her hands in her apron and took a quick glance at her appearance. She had fancied Eddie a little and truth be told, she didn't want to greet him with flour on her face. 'Eddie, glad I've caught you, the school choir-'

'Yeah that's what I want to talk to you about. How is the choir looking?'. He thrust his hands into his pockets and awaited her reply.

The choir was drastic. She was struggling, but she would never admit that. Looking down and fiddling with the tips of her fingers she scrambled a few words together, 'Well I mean it's-'.

With an almighty roar, Eddie has stopped her from creating an awkward answer. Finn Sharkey, out of his lessons, again. 'Oi you! Class now! Move!'.

'Me and Chris are having a meeting second period, do you have a class?'

'No but I was-'. He'd cut her off again.

'Great, see you then'. And just like before, he had gone.

Sighing, she looked at him in the distance and muttered 'bye then'.

Eddie rounded the corner only to hear the alert from his phone. Opening the message, he sighed.

Hi Eddie hope u are having a good day, do u fancy dinner out tonight? Think it would be nice for the 4 of us xx

Mel. She was trying, and he had to give her that. He knew he had to keep them together for the sake of Holly. Maybe he would buy her some flowers on the way home? Maybe he would take over duties tonight for Holly. Maybe, just maybe, he might try to make things up to her.

**. . . **

'Rachel, I really don't think we should withdraw, we need this competition'. She did actually almost feel sorry for Matt as he sat slumped in the chair, but, a competition really wasn't on the top of her agenda as of right now.

'I appreciate that Matt but the matter of the fact is you can't get the pupils'.

Matt winced at her words and pleaded hoping that she would allow them. 'I'll get the pupils Rachel, I just need a few school hours for practising and-'

Throwing her head up at the ceiling, she sighed and finally admitted defeat. 'Fine, I'll give you the hours, but if it's not up to scratch then we'll withdraw, okay?'.

**. . . **

'So Ruby, the choir?'. In all honesty she really didn't want to answer Chris' question. Shifting her eyes once more, she took a minute to compose and finally gave them an answer, well, she gave them a lie.

'Mmhmm it's er its great'

Eddie had his doubts, the last thing he wanted was pressure on his staff. He leant forward and rested his elbows on the table. He needed to make sure. 'Do you think we'll be ready for the competition? I mean it is last minute', he asked.

'No no, I can do it'. There it was again. She was lying. How on earth she would get this lot ready for the competition she did not know.

**. . .**

In the space of 5 minutes, Dr Williams had received two phone calls. They were desperate to see him. He didn't know to expect, but nothing could quite prepare him for the secret that would cause a whirlwind of upset. It was going to be the eye of the storm and not even he were ready.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

So, this chapter touches on a sensitive issue. I didn't feel it were right to just touch on it lightly as it's serious and felt like a short chapter wouldn't do justice. It is long and I felt like the sessions should have been tied together like so.

Your reviews are lovely, and I'm thankful people are still here reading.

The collateral damage of love

_'The tragedy of life is what dies in the hearts and souls of people while they live' _

\- Albert Einstein

It was raining, and ironically that reflected her mood. She had got an emergency appointment with Dr Williams. She sat in silence waiting for him to invite her in, to listen and to help. With that, the door opened, and he greeted her with a smile. It was warm, friendly, and she felt safe.

'So', she started the conversation as she took a seat and took time to compose herself. Her heart, it felt tight, she needed to remind herself to breathe.

'So', he could sense her tension. Her body, it was closed, she was afraid. He had to take a delicate approach. She really wasn't okay today.

She acknowledged that he was waiting for her to continue, and so, in time, she did. 'Theres a school choir, for a few schools in the area. Waterloo road, many others and then John Fosters ...'

Straight away, he knew exactly why she had been this way. He felt the sudden need to save her from any further explanation. 'That's the school that Eddie works at, right?'.

Shifting her eyes to the window she let out a quiet reply, 'Yes'.

'How do you feel?', he followed her gaze to the window. It was raining, hard. There was something always so transfixing about the rain.

'I'm not ready', a small tear trickled from her eye and she left it, she didn't even attempt to hide it like last time.

She was really struggling, but she was becoming more open. She was trusting him. He shifted slightly in his chair and cleared his throat before continuing, 'What are you not ready for?'.

'I can't, I can't see him. I can't see him like this. I'm a mess'. She just about finished her sentence before the rest of the tears engulfed her. Today, she needed a tissue, and so, when Dr Williams offered, she accepted.

He gave her a while. 'Do you think he would like to see you?'.

'Yes', he only just caught her reply as it was muffled by tears.

'How do you know?'. He knew the answer to that one already. He wanted to see her, desperately. It was the first case that he'd had where he had to be careful. He'd dealt with marriages, family disputes etc, but nothing like this. Ex lovers, and they had absolutely no idea they were seeing the same psych. This had been new to him, and he was finding it a challenge.

'I just know. I don't want him to know I'm struggling. I don't want to have to ask about his life. I don't want to know about the baby'. She'd said too much, again. Just as she was feeling safe, she had approached dangerous waters.

'Rachel, I know it's hard and I know we've only touched on it briefly but there's an awful lot of resentment for Eddie and Melissa's child, why?', he didn't mean to come over as frustrated but he had an urge to push and push until she cracked. It was wrong. It wasn't being a professional.

'I - I don't think I can talk about it', she spoke softly. She knew she had to tell him. It was doing no good to keep it bottled away, but she was stubborn. She hoped it would go away, in time.

'You can't?'. He had to try .. one last time. She couldn't keep it a secret forever, she'd have to tell him

'It's too much. Please just trust me I'm not ready'. For the first time, she became hostile. He wasn't listening and that was his job, to listen.

'Okay'

Patience.

**. . .**

After the traumatic experience of yesterday's session with Rachel, he thought to cancel with Eddie today, but that wasn't fair. Eddie needed help too.

So, here he was. Round two, and he was losing his mind.

'There's a choir'. Eddie had always been easier to talk to. He was open and to the point.

'A choir?', Dr Williams asked. This was draining. He had known exactly what was happening, but he had to pretend, and this was a nightmare.

'Some choir competition, you know, within the schools. Waterloo road will be there'. He had checked, as soon as he had finished the conversation with Ruby, he rushed to his office and opened the email.

'Will she be there?'. Truth was, he didn't know. He expected her there, to support the kids, that was who she was.

'Yeah'. He had hope. Dr Williams wasn't so sure.

'How do you feel?', he questioned Eddie hoping the session would go more smoothly.

'God, I don't know. I have so many questions, but it's not the place. I'm so afraid she'll run. I'm so desperate for her to talk'. Anger. He felt anger. He wanted her to stop running from reality.

Dr Williams pressed another matter. 'How do you think her husband would react?'.

Frowning, he replied, 'React to what?.

'Her seeing you again?', his eyes met Eddie's and he could see confusion. Had he really not thought about that?

'I hadn't really thought about it'.

**. . . **

'How do you think Adam would react to you seeing Eddie again?'. Adam. She'd been cruel to him the other day. She still hadn't apologised, and she knew she had to.

'I think he'd be fine. He doesn't know too much. He's not like that. He's a good person. He just wants me to be happy', he couldn't read her again. Was she lying? He didn't think he was a nasty person, but to be fine with Eddie, really?

'Would he sacrifice his own happiness for your own?'. Silence fell again. This was becoming the norm in these sessions.

'What do you mean?', she was unsure. What did he mean by that? Ironically she did that to him, sacrificing her own happiness.

Resting his hand under his chin, he spoke with confidence, 'If you were to see Eddie again and feelings would be reappear, would he mind you contacting him further? To me, Rachel, Eddie is your happiness'.

He thought she may have denied his statement, but she did not. 'I wouldn't do that'.

'Why not?'.

'Eddie is happy. Adam is happy. My happiness will come in time'. Happiness will come in time? What was she waiting for exactly?

'How do you know that?', he'd been referring to Eddie being happy, and she knew that.

'Er, I don't'.

**. . . **

'Eddie, you're so desperate to talk and I understand, but surely if she's ignored your message once then-'

'Then what? I should just give up?', Eddie grunted. He had found it strange that Dr Williams was so against his happiness.

'No, but you're hurting yourself, surely you can see that?'. Eddie took a moment to reply, he wanted to give him an honest statement, but was afraid he'd shoot him down.

'I know she's not okay'. It hurt him to admit that to himself.

'How do you know she isn't okay?'.

**. . .**

The rain, it hit heavier, and she felt the tears coming. 'I'm falling apart. I can't carry on'.

**. . .**

'Melissa, does she ever talk about Rachel?'. They had talked little about Mel today. It was almost as though she had been forgotten, it was strange.

'She's quick to change the subject', Eddie showed no emotion. Truth was, they never talked about her. Mel lived in fear that her sister would come back and steal Eddie.

'Does she feel guilty?'.

'She blames me. Says it's my fault for her and Rachel not speaking?'. Dr Williams took a mental note and took comfort at looking at the floor. For the first time, he didn't really know what to say.

'Ah'.

**. . .**

'Maybe it's a bad idea'. She'd stopped crying, well for now. She hadn't cried this much since that day. That awful day.

'What is?', he quizzed. He had been surprised that she hadn't picked up her things and left, again.

'Me going to the competition, maybe I should find some excuse'. He was pleasantly shocked at how open she was being, she was a different person today. Emotional but she was opening up to him. It started bad, but it was getting easier.

'If you don't want to go, then don't go'. He answered with a simple answer, and frankly, if she didn't want to go then she shouldn't go.

'But the kids .. they'll be expecting me to go, they've worked so hard-'. He cut in, again, and stated the obvious, 'Rachel, stop making excuses'.

**. . .**

Dr Williams and Eddie sat in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't a usual part of their session. He waited for Eddie. He had to let him talk in his own time.

**. . .**

'What are you afraid of Rachel? Please no more excuses, I'm here to help you. Please, let me help you'.

HELP. That's what she needed. Something had triggered inside her. She was desperate to be better. So Desperate that she had let someone else in on her secret.

Within seconds, rain hammered on the window, tears cascaded, and her face fell into her hands.

'The ba - baby, it should have been mine. It - it should have been mine. Mine'.

He had so many questions. Hers? What did she mean by that? He had to take a moment to think how he would approach this. She was in a state.

After not hearing anything, she thought he must have thought she was crazy. And like before, she gathered her things quickly and made her escape.

'Rachel, please stay, you shouldn't drive like that. We don't have to talk, just give yourself 5 minutes. Ra-'.

She was gone. This was dangerous. She was unstable. He was terrified for her state of mind.

. . .

Five whole minutes had passed. Eddie, he shifted in his seat and tried to find a comfortable position. He needed to be ready for this. 'It was a lot for her'.

'What was? I mean I understand with you and Mel and the baby, but ... did she ever think the baby should have been hers?'. Stopping dead in his tracks, Dr Williams shifted his body uncomfortably. He'd said too much.

'Think the baby should have been hers?'. Eddie was confused. Where had the Dr got that assumption from? That was a strange statement to make. He was unsure whether he should carry on, but he knew he had to tell someone.

'Holly was a sore subject and will always be, but she should have never been 'hers'. Rach, she er, she should have had a baby of her own'. Dr Williams froze. A baby of her own.

'A baby of her own? I don't understand'. Eddie could see the Dr was fully engaged in this conversation as he shot up in his chair and looked at him, searching for answers.

'The day before Melissa returned, Rachel, she'd found that she'd miscarried'. Sadness. His soul had been ripped from him, sending him into darkness. The second child taken from him.

Bewildered by the statement, the Dr didn't know how to feel. Regaining his professionalism, he continued, 'I'm sorry'.

He was sorry. He was sorry for their loss. Sorry for pushing. Sorry for not stopping when she'd pleaded. Sorry that he didn't stop her driving home in the spiralling state that she was in.

'It still haunts me. Nine weeks. Children .. we'd never spoke about it. It was a surprise. We could have done it, we could have been parents. It was awful, she cried .. all night, in private. She shut me out. I - I'm sorry, I just can't'. A tear. Eddie had felt a tear. He couldn't carry on.

'It's okay. I won't push you, Eddie. We don't have to talk. You can use the silence to mourn'.

Silence fell.

**. . .**

Thirty years experience in this field and he had become so engrossed in their lives. He felt apart of their lives. It hit him. That was the grenade and everything else was just collateral damage.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**:

I struggled with this chapter a little and hope that it's okay. This story is taking a little while to get into I know, but I just don't want to rush the feelings and want to explore as much as I can. There will be flashbacks in the next chapter from episode 20 (the way it would have been in this fic).

Again, so shocked by how many of you are still reading, so thank you. 

The collateral damage of love 

9:00 am. It was the day.

The coach arrived at the venue. He'd never felt so anxious. Sweat poured from his palms as he watched the kids scramble off the coach. There was an uproar of chatting and chanting, and Eddie couldn't hear himself think.

'Right, quiet down you lot, let's go win this competition, shall we? And any nonsense and you'll all be straight back at school, understand?', he spoke with authority. The kids from John Fosters, overall, were better behaved that Waterloo Road. However, that being said, there was the odd pupil, Finn Sharkey.

The pupils followed Eddie into the building and the chanting started again.

'Chris, Finn Sharkey, we need to keep a close eye on him today', Eddie grunted pushing his way through the entrance doors.

'Right, I won't let him out of sight'.

**. . .**

9:05 am. What a bloody day, already.

The coach for Waterloo Road was late. Of all days, she did not need this today. The kids were moaning, and it was spitting with rain.

Fantastic.

'Are you sure you're not coming on the coach, Rachel?', questioning the headteacher, Matt had his arms folded and shielding himself from the cold. She was the only one who could get these kids under control. He was nervous

'Honestly Matt, I'm snowed under this morning, but I'll meet you there as soon as I'm done'. She couldn't even look him in the eye, it was such a silly lie. Although, she did eventually have to show her face there. She wanted to wait until the competition was in full swing, she knew it would be easier to swing in and out that way. She could stay on the down low, avoiding those that she didn't want to see.

Throwing her arms in the air, and for more of a dramatic effect, Steph spoke sarcastically, 'Oh no, whatever will we do without you'.

Rachel was blazing. Normally she would have ignored the French teacher's sarcastic comments but not today. 'You know Steph-'.

The bus was here. Thank god for that. She needed no more remarks off the likes of Steph Haydock. She could return to the safety of her office and finally have five minutes peace.

**. . . **

The choir competition had been drilling on for the last couple of hours and both John Fosters and Waterloo Road had done their part. The kids were now, unfortunately, restless. Matt was on the verge of a breakdown. Where was Rachel?!

Whilst resting his head in his hands, he took comfort from Steph's hand resting on his shoulder.

From the corner of her eye, she had seen a familiar figure walking towards them.

'Matt, Steph, great to see you both', Eddie said briskly walking over to them. Steph had stretched her arms out and gave him a welcoming hug. He was happy to see them, but where was she? He still hadn't caught her.

'Hey Eddie, how's it going?', Matt grumbled. He had been genuinely happy to see Eddie, but he was trying to hide the stress that he was under.

'Yeah good thanks mate, I'm obviously at John Fosters now. Took the headship there', Eddie explained. He didn't want to be rude but his attention was elsewhere and Steph wasn't stupid. She could sense this.

'She isn't here, Eddie, and truth is, we don't think she's coming', Steph said as she crossed her arms and watched as sadness crept along his features. She did feel sorry for him.

'Snowed under'. Mocking the headteacher's words she knew Eddie had known that was a lie, just like the rest of them.

'She knew I'd be here', Eddie spoke honestly. He looked to find both Matt and Steph giving him a sympathetic smile.

Steph continued, 'Look she's in a bad way, Eddie-'. Before she could carry on, there was a voice in the distance and Eddie had recognised her. Waving her hands in a flap, she was shouting, 'Eddie, results are in'.

**. . . **

He'd felt anger. He couldn't even explain. She had done this on purpose. Why did she always have to run? Well, she couldn't run forever, and honestly, he was done giving her space. He would talk to her, he didn't know how or when, but he would.

**. . . **

Schools had waited in anticipation, and the crowds fell silent.

In 3rd Place … Rochdale High.  
In 2nd Place ... John Fosters.  
In 1st Place... Waterloo Road.

Matt almost fainted. They'd done it. He hugged Steph in pure happiness as the school cheered and the kids ran to grab the prize possession. The trophy.

Two pupils from other schools had walked over to congratulate them on the win, and this didn't sit well with one pupil in particular, Finn Sharkey.

'What you talking to them lot for? They're scum, the lot of them'. Finn smirked as he watched the Waterloo Road lot chat amongst his fellow pupils.

'Just cos you're sore losers', Sambuca bellowed as she waved the trophy at him.

'Scum', he shouted again causing some John Fosters pupils to snigger. Waterloo Road students fell quiet and Bolton brought himself to the front of the crowd.

'You wanna say that again', Bolton said sharply. His hands tensed and he would not let this lad get to him.

'S C U M', Finn echoed again. Bolton had seen red. Pushing Finn, he was ready for a fight. The crowd had circled them. Two schools and a war. Without thinking, Matt stepped into the war zone and tried to pull Bolton away, however, whilst doing so, he received an almighty thud. He'd fallen to the ground. There was blood, everywhere, already. Eddie and Chris pulled the boys apart but not before Bolton had been given a smack. He had been too busy concentrating on Mr Wilding before feeling an almighty force to the side of his face.

'Matt!', Steph cried as she ran to him. Holding her hand to her mouth and he brought his thumb to the corner of his mouth, feeling the liquid pour.

'I'm alright, I just need to stay here a minute'. He most definitely was not okay.

Paramedics had arrived as Matt couldn't quite stand to his feet. He was taken to A&E for them to look for any signs of concussion and to assess the state of his injuries. Steph would have to take the kids back on her own to the school. Rachel should have been here; she had been selfish. Neglect.

There was no way that Steph could have taken the pupils and Bolton back. His face had also looked worse for wear and Eddie felt obliged to help, it was his pupil who had started this. He and Chris should have been watching him better.

'Chris, Ruby, will you be okay getting the kids back?' he asked as he assessed the situation before him. 'I'm gonna have to help Miss Haydock'.

Ruby screwed her nose up and felt the need to object, 'But Eddie, they're not even our pup-'.

Eddie stopped her in her tracks and replied, 'Ruby, we should have been watching Finn. This is serious if you didn't already know. Its assault'. Ruby nodded sheepishly and helped Chris round up the children.

He'd finished explaining to Chris that the police should probably be contacted and that Finn was to remain in isolation until they came. Giving Finn a stern warning and threatening that the police would find him if he went AWOL, he continued to question himself.

How could this have happened?

There was only one thing Eddie could do … drive Bolton back to the school.

**. . . **

The journey felt like hours. It was weird. Driving himself into the grounds, he couldn't quite believe that he'd made it here. He and Bolton had sat in silence the whole journey back. He hadn't even thought about Bolton being in his car, I mean, was that even allowed? I guess Bolton wasn't his pupil anymore, but still, what should have been the procedure?

Here we go.

**. . . **

Nostalgia. The same smell, the same paint work, everything had stayed the same. It was just like he had remembered. He wasn't sure how he would do this. He needed to approach with caution. Steph had said that she was in a bad way, he just didn't know how bad. He was thinking this was not a good idea. He wanted to see her, but not like this. There was a positive, however, it meant that she couldn't run. Two years in the making and she'd finally have to talk.

He felt sick. Bolton quietly climbed the stairs with him, he was still raging inside that he didn't smack that Finn Sharkey back. That would be on his mind all week.

'Aw Miss Mason is gon' kill me init, Sir'. If he weren't in such a state himself, he probably would have laughed at the lad's comment.

'Somehow Bolton, I don't think that will be the biggest surprise of the day'.

Bolton looked at him in confusion, 'Eh?'.

'Straight to see the school nurse after seeing her, okay?'. Dismissing the comment previous, he shoved his hands in his pockets and gave a simple 'Yes sir'. Walking glumly toward the heads office, he knew she wouldn't be impressed.

**. . . **

She hoped that they had got on well. They had a good chance. She really had felt guilty.

Standing, hand on her chest and gazing out of the window, she observed the many motions outside. The grounds were empty, it was still lesson time. The sun peaked in and it fell upon her skin, it was almost burning, but it felt good. She took a deep breath and let the bad energy escape as she let go. She stood for only a few seconds before she could hear muffled voices edging towards her door. Spinning in a heap, she was shocked to find Bolton standing in front of her, bruised and bloodied. Gasping, she rushed to him and in a panicked voice asked what he'd done.

'Oh my God, Bolton what's happened to your face? How ha-'.

Fear. Anxiety. Sadness.

Love. Pain.

Relief.

Eddie Lawson stood before her and for the first time in two years, she felt human.

'Eddie', it was quiet. The atmosphere felt tight, they kept each other's gaze until she broke free. She gulped and tucked her hair behind her ear. She needed anything to distract her. Turning her head back to Bolton and trying to evaluate the state of his injuries, Eddie realised he needed to explain.

Softly, he spoke, 'Bolton, he er, well he got into a fight with one of my lot'. Disappointment spread pretty quickly across Rachel's face and she sighed.

'I, I don't understand, where's Matt?'. She was still in disbelief and needed to pull the situation together. Why was Eddie here? Couldn't Matt have sorted it?

'It's a bit of a long story. Steph is with the kids in the hall'.

'Bolton, can you give me and .. Mrs Fleet a minute, please? Head to the school nurse and she will have a good look at you'. It was hard to digest. Had he actually just called her Mrs Fleet?

With that, Bolton didn't need telling twice, he practically ran out of the room. He took the chance to escape the b*lloc*ing he knew he would eventually have.

Her eyes remained focusing on the small stain on the carpet. His footsteps sounded closer, and he spoke once more, 'So, this is where you've been hiding, hey'.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**:

The italics are from what would have been a few scenes from episode 19 and 20, series 4 in this fic. Over time, there will be more flashbacks as well.

Many thanks to my loyal readers, and Lynny, I'm sorry to hear of your loss, it's a very difficult thing for anybody to have to go through x

Please enjoy.

The collateral damage of love

It. Was. Time.

Her mouth felt dry, and she felt herself not wanting to drain her body of any more energy. Still, remaining professional, she had to find out what had happened. 'Matt'.

He took a seat on one of the secretary's tables in her office and continued, 'Finn, a lad of mine, he er, he was winding the kids up. Bolton, he stepped forward to take Finn on. They had a scrap and Matt got involved. He stepped in and well, he had to go to A&E'. He watched as she winced and brought her hand to her mouth closing her eyes in disbelief.

'Oh God', she whispered.

Eddie picked up on her fear, and spoke, 'I think he'll be okay'.

Moving her hand from her mouth, she rested it on her forehead before darting her eyes away from his. 'This is all my fault, if I hadn't had neglected them. I should have been there-'.

He took this moment to interrupt her, 'They probably would have started regardless, Rach'.

'No. I've let them down'. It was at this moment that she looked at him. He could see her eyes brimming with tears, he wanted nothing more to comfort her and give her reassurance, but he knew he'd be taking ten steps back.

'Why weren't you there? Was it me?'. Maybe he shouldn't have asked, but he needed to know. Did she not trust herself around him?

Silence dawned upon them, again.

**. . . **

_'Rachel, I know you're hurting and confused. Please just open the door'. She sobbed as she heard his voice. He was gently knocking and encouraging her to open up. Her heart ached to let him in._

_Her baby had gone. Just like that. Ripped from her before she had the chance to love. _

**. . .**

'Please, just answer me. It's okay', he spoke softly and calmly. The last thing he wanted to do was to frighten her.

He gave her a minute, and then another.

Then, in three words, his heart broke.

'I'm not okay'. It was almost a whisper, but he heard.

He had always known, deep down in his heart, that she was not okay. That last day of term had broken her. There was no way she could have glued herself back together that quickly.

'I know you're not. I sent you a message'. She looked down, she had spotted that same little stain again. Guilt. She felt guilt wash over her, again.

'I know', she muttered, refusing to lift her eyes to his in fear of his sadness.

'You couldn't reply?', he sighed. He wasn't angry, he just wanted her to be open and honest with him.

'Eddie, I-', Rachel began, but it was short lived by him quickly butting in.

'Rachel, I'm hurting too'.

I'm. Hurting. Too.

They were both broken.

**. . . **

_Watching the pupils swarm the playground in laughter and chatter, she almost felt happiness. Every cloud? The only positive from that day, maybe?_

_Melissa, she'd returned, pregnant._

_She could sense him nearing her, she didn't even need to look._

_He rested his hand on her shoulder and lightly brought her whole body in a little closer. She relaxed for a few seconds, warming under his touch. She forgot for a moment or two._

_They stayed like that for a little while before he cleared his throat._

_'I'm sorry'. He took her in, every inch. He savoured every second_

_She said nothing._

_'I need to help her Rachel, you know, money and that. I won't have anything to do with the ba-'. Just as he was about to finish his sentence, she spun in his arms and shook her head._

_'No. I won't ever stop you being a father. I would never do that to you. I seen what it did to you last time'._

_'But Rach, I need you', his voice croaked. She could have sworn he were crying._

_'Eddie', she addressed him for what would have been the last time. She took her hand and rested her palm on his cheek before raising her lips to his and pecking him softly._

_The last kiss they'd ever share._

_'Your child needs you', she whispered. Tearing herself away from him, she briskly walked away from her office, never once looking back._

**. . .**

She was angry. How could he know how she felt. He had Melissa, the baby and Phil. All she had was Adam. She knew she shouldn't have thought like that, but reality was, she was pretty much on her own. 'Eddie you still have a family. I have nothing, absolutely nothing!'.

Hearing the door creak open, a familiar figure emerged from behind and she felt her heart thump at an ungodly rhythm.

'Is that right?', Adam's voice brought her shivers.

Sh*t. How much had he heard?

'Adam, I didn't-', she knew she'd be fighting a losing battle here. He looked disappointed, sad and not to mention, angry.

Edging his way into the room, he took a moment to glare at Eddie. Truth be told, he hadn't heard the whole conversation, but he'd heard enough.

'You've said what you've said. Maybe you need to be on your own', he turned to leave.

'Aw Adam, I need to-', in a panicked tone she tried to follow him out of the room.

She glared at Eddie and spoke, 'I need to go'.

He reached out to her, grabbing her at the waist. She gasped. She hadn't meant to. He stared directly into her eyes, he was searching, searching for the answers he needed. He surprised himself with how forward he'd been. 'Rach, please', he spoke with desperation.

'Eddie, I need to go. I need to be with my husband. Now please, if you'll excuse me'. Gently pushing him away and wiping the tears from her eyes, she made her way to the door in a matter of seconds. On reaching the top of the stairs, she held onto the banister and took a moment to breathe. This was a mess.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**:

Thank you all so much for the support. I've decided that I will give this fic a few more chapters, so it will be longer than I originally thought. There may be a few more twists ...

The collateral damage of love

Seven days. One Week.

That's how long it had been since that day. The day that neither Eddie or Rachel had prepared for. And so, on this day, fate was working in a way like never before.

**. . .**

'I can't do it anymore'. Eddie sat with his head in his hands, distressed and in the worst way that Dr Williams had seen him.

'What can't you do?', Dr Williams quizzed. He'd already set himself up for a hard day and knew that after the choir that something must have happened.

'I can't lie', Eddie muttered. He brought his head out of his hands and rested his eyes to focus on the window.

This was about to get deep.

'Who are you lying to?'.

'Myself, Mel .. Rachel'. In these sessions, there had been reoccurring guilt from both Eddie and Rachel. Dr Williams, for the first time in his life, did not know how to fix this. He'd been trying for what felt like years to fix the pair of them.

'I'm lying to Melissa about my feelings for Rachel. I still love her. It infuriates me', anger slipped out with his words. This woman, she was killing him. She was running him into the ground without even realising.

Dr Williams had already assessed that Eddie wasn't the same, and from that, he knew that something was on the horizon. An announcement of some sort.

'So the choir, did you see her?'. The question had Eddie taken back a little, was he going to just dive straight in there?

'It's a long story but cut short, yeah just at .. Waterloo road'.

Confused, Dr Williams asked, 'You went there?'.

'I had to go there'. Eddie hadn't really felt like diving into the whole situation that he'd witnessed that day and saved the doctor from the countless drama. Instead, he confided in him and revealed his true thoughts on seeing her.  
'It was overwhelming'.

Dr Williams had to know, and in all honesty, he had to know for Rachel's state. Was she okay? Considering she had cancelled their appointment, she probably wasn't.

'How did she react? How was she? Did you tell her- .. sorry, too many questions'

Eddie could hardly think. His mind was consumed by the many questions he'd been asking himself.

He gave himself a minute.

'She was sad, really sad, its worrying. I've never seen her like that', sadness overcame him, again. It were as if he were living a nightmare, repeatedly.

'I grabbed her as she tried to walk away. I was so desperate and I-'.

Eddie was interrupted by Dr Williams to understand more. 'Why was she trying to walk away?'

'Adam, he found us in the office. She'd been shouting that she had nobody, and he'd walked in. I don't know how much he'd heard. I don't even know if he knew who I was'.

Almost in disbelief at Eddie's actions, Dr Williams pressed on, 'You grabbed her then ..'.

'Yeah. I should have bloody kissed her whilst I had the chance'. Eddie sighed remembering the way he felt when they were inches away from each other. He was brought out of his trance by a rather upsetting, and unfortunately, true comment.

'But she's married'.

Married. Rachel was somebody's wife.

'But she's not happy, evidently. I don't condone cheating but you don't know how sad she was', desperation soared from his words.

'And kissing would have solved that?', Dr Williams asked. He didn't mean for it to sound how it did, but kissing her probably wouldn't have been the smartest thing to do.

Eddie shook his head in frustration and replied, 'Who's side are you on?'

Sides. Dr Williams' profession didn't allow him to take sides. So, sternly he reminded Eddie of that. 'I am not here to take sides, Eddie. I'm here help when nobody else can'.

**. . . **

Opening the door, Doctor Williams finished chatting to Eddie about their next appointment, and low and behold, there she was, waiting.

Panic.

'Rachel?', both men said in sync. Her eyes closed and palpitations thrashed against her skin. She knew both voices, and one was too well known.

Three, two, one.

He couldn't believe it.  
She couldn't believe it

What was he doing here?  
What was she doing here?

Eddie turned to look at Doctor Williams, confused and asked, 'How do you know that's Rachel?'.

Rachel shot her eyes up to meet both glares. She knew exactly what was happening, she wasn't stupid. 'We've both been seeing you, haven't we?', she asked.

Silence.

'Yes'.

She threw her hands into the air and blurted, 'I'm sorry I can't do this'.

He had to do something. They all couldn't go on like this.

Calling out to her, the Doctor pleaded, 'Rachel, stop. This is obviously a shock to you both, and it's a shock to me also'.

Her hand rested on the handle of the door, she took a moment before composing herself. She could hear Eddie, anger rising in his tone.

'All this time ..', Eddie started before quickly being stopped.

'So, this is what I propose we do ..', Dr Williams began before stopping, checking they were both still listening. Happy that nobody had left, and that they weren't screaming at him.

'We will go into my office, all three of us, and we will talk. If at any moment, anybody feels they want to leave, then so be it'.

There was neither an answer nor an argument.

'Please, you're killing each other'.

Killing. Such a harsh use of a word.

It was at that minute, they both looked to see one another. Sadness washed over their features.

Enough was enough.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**:  
I want to thank people from now on for the time that they've spent reading and reviewing this fic. So, thank you hannah5240, Mrs Carmichael, LittleH12, Lynny and Fayeftvanity.

The collateral damage of love

_'Nobody can hurt me without my permission'_ \- **Mahatma Gandhi**

**. . . **

You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. Eddie took a seat first watching as she hovered, unsure whether she would stick around.

Then, in a split second, they'd caught each other's gaze, and he was sure she'd smiled. Finally, she took a seat, and the session began.

Dr Williams was the last to take his seat and on doing so, he grabbed himself a glass of water. Too bad it had been nothing stronger - he could have definitely done with a drop of whisky.  
Offering both a cup to Eddie and Rachel, they declined and eagerly awaited him to begin.

He cleared his throat, and began. 'Right'.

He gave himself a minute, a little unsure where he would take this.

'You two are in shock just as much as I am'. He evaluated two very different reactions. One, very open and angry, maybe even somewhat disgusted. Mistrust he thought. Eddie had put so much trust in him. The other, well, the complete opposite. Just as he could have predicted - closed, silent and reserved.

'You don't say', Eddie said as he glared straight on at the doctor.

'However, it's probably been a blessing in disguise as much as you both probably don't want to admit it'.

There was a long pause, and all three didn't quite know what to say. Rachel knew she'd probably have to have some input and asked what she'd been dying to know from the off. 'How long have you been coming here?'.

'Six months after I left Waterloo Road'. He wanted to be honest with her, and he wanted honesty in return. He left it a few seconds and then took the time to ask her. 'You?'.

'A week after you left'. He was taken aback by her response and couldn't believe that she had sought professional help that quick.

Dr Williams felt awkward, and knew that he probably wasn't the only one. 'I've never had a case like this before, I'll be honest. I want to make this as easy as possible for the both of you. There are issues, and they need to be talked through. Running will not help'.

Eddie took a long glare at Rachel, and she refused to acknowledge him. She could see him from the corner of her eye and felt rather uncomfortable.

'So, there's obviously a burning question that needs to be asked ... are you both happy?'. Dr Williams scanned his eyes from Rachel to Eddie, and then back to Rachel, almost as if he were giving her a prompt to answer. She still didn't take the hint, and so, he had to address her, 'Rachel?'.

'Yes'. It was short, sweet and a lie.

'You are?', Dr Williams questioned. She was not happy from his recollection.

Eddie folded his arms and nodded his head in disagreement. 'Doesn't look like it from where I was standing the other day'.

She didn't need this, not from him. Her whole body tensed up, and anger brewed within her. It were as if something had switched inside her, losing all self control.

'What do you want me to say Eddie? That I'm struggling? That I breakdown almost every day? That I can't cope?!', she cried out at him.

His expression softened, and he questioned whether he should have reached out to her. He was desperate to hold her, comfort her and tell her it was okay.

'Rach, I-', he wanted to apologise, but she stopped him.

'No Eddie. I don't want to hear it. You get to go home to Mel and the baby, you have a family'. A tear slid from her left eye and she furiously wiped at it to destroy all evidence.

He lowered his tone and looked straight into her eyes, 'I don't have a family, you're wrong. I have a daughter not a family'.

Her heart stopped for a few seconds, literally. She felt an almighty stabbing pain and her mouth felt dry.

Scraping only two words together, she whispered, 'A daughter'.

A daughter. Eddie had a daughter. Her niece.

'Holly'.

Silence fell in the room.

Eddie desperately awaited for her to say something, anything. Dr Williams felt the uneasy tension and knew that he had to protect the situation from spiralling further.

'It's okay to be sad, Rachel. It's hard to digest. Please don't think you have to keep it all in', the doctor spoke softly and shuffled back in his seat to take comfort.

Eddie felt that it was the right time to try to diffuse it as well. 'It's okay not to be okay, trust me, I've learnt that', he replied glumly.

Fiddling with her fingertips-a common habit that she had whilst nervous-she almost laughed in disbelief. 'Eddie, what could you possibly have to be not okay about, huh?', there was an undertone of jealousy to her voice.

'That baby was mine too, not just yours. I'm living with a woman who honestly, I don't even love. And now, you're married, and it's not right, Rachel'

'Not right?'.

'She should have never married him'.

'Excuse me?', she roared. Why did she get so defensive over Adam?

He looked straight to her. Sensing her anger, he pushed her even more. Maybe it would attract an answer. 'Can you honestly sit there and tell me you're happy?'.

She didn't speak. She couldn't.

'Rachel, answer me', Eddie spoke again.

Finally she brought her eyes to meet his, watching as he observed her. 'Do you remember that time? The time after Mel left, and you said you didn't even know her -'

It clicked. He didn't even need to hear the rest. It was exactly as he thought.

Loneliness.

He interrupted her, 'You were lonely'. He watched as she looked away, embarrassed. He wished she wouldn't do that.

'Oh Rachel, why didn't you say?'

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. 'Oh and say what Eddie? Tell you I was lonely, and that I missed you?'.

She had missed him, terribly.

'I think we need to focus on what happens next'.

'What happens next?', Eddie asked in reply to the doctor's words.

Silence, again.

'You two, well despite what you say, this has been important. I want to do more sessions, together. If you needed separate sessions then I can carry that on too', he added trying to analyse their thoughts. He had nothing.

'Rachel?', he asked. He watched as she took a moment to think, probably no doubt to over think. She also had a terrible habit of doing that.

'On one condition', she stated. Dr Williams nodded waiting for her to continue.

'We don't have to talk about the baby'.

Eddie sighed in frustration, he couldn't cope with her running and deflecting the issue. She was exhausting.

'Rachel, I think it would beneficial-', Dr Williams didn't even get the chance to finish.

'Just please, one step at a time, Dr Williams', she was pleading. Like the many times before, he knew better than to push her.

'I'd like to say something before we leave today', Eddie's voice disturbed her from her thoughts, and she couldn't quite prepare herself for his next revelation.

'I've decided that I will leave Melissa, for good'.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**:

I wasn't going to update so soon, but the next chapter won't be up for a few days and so, I'll leave you with this …

Thank you to Mrs Carmichael, LittleH12, hannah5240, RachelMasonFan39 and Lynny!

The collateral damage of love

What a mess.

She had been lost for words. He would leave her sister, and she knew deep down that she was the reason, and it made her feel sick.

'Look, why don't we have another session in the next few days, we can talk further. I think you're both tired and talking now wont solve anything', they both nodded at Dr Williams and grabbed their things before leaving.

The door opened, and they both left, sheepish.

'Rachel, wait!', Eddie quickly called out to her hoping she would wait for him. He just craved for a normal conversation-something far from what they had been discussing.

She sighed and did a 180 to face him, she just needed to head home. In a dismissive tone, she replied, 'What is it, Eddie?'.

He felt hurt by her tone, all he wanted was for her to chat to him like she used to. She wasn't the same person who he remembered. 'I just want to know you're okay?', he asked with sadness.

Shifting her eyes downwards, she took a deep breath and gave him the answer he didn't want. 'Well as it stands, no, but I will be'.

With that, she vanished within seconds and he could distantly see her opening the boot of her car before dumping her bag and driving off.

**. . .**

It had been two hours since he'd left the session. Truth be told, he'd been sitting in an empty carpark for the majority of the time. He was wondering how he would do this. Melissa. She'd be heartbroken, and he'd be the cause of it. His daughter, she'd grow up without having two parents side by side. There was even the thought she could stop him from being a dad. Mentally, he'd prepared for that, and that killed him inside.

He reached the door and took a deep breath before sliding down the handle to be greeted within seconds. There she was, waiting.

'There you are, where have you been?', Melissa asked with her arms folded, eagerly awaiting his answer.

'Mel, can we have a chat?', he questioned.

Shifting awkwardly, she tried to keep herself preoccupied with whatever toys she could see on the floor. Furiously she tried to tidy them away. 'What is it love? I need to get Holly sorted'.

'Please Mel, I just need a chat', he begged. He watched as she stopped in her tracks, and he followed her into the kitchen.

**. . .**

She'd drove home, rather quickly. In all honesty, she couldn't even remember driving, her thoughts had just overcome her. She sat for five minutes before finding the confidence and made her way to the front door slowly. Quietly, she crept in, and found Adam in the kitchen sitting at the island eating his dinner; hers was right there next to him. Guilt. There it was again. It was only a matter of seconds before he felt her presence.

'Hey', he said as he continued to eat his dinner. He ways annoyed, and honestly, she couldn't blame him.

'Hey', softly she replied as she half smiled to diffuse the situation. She took small steps to the stool before standing inches away from him.

'Where have you been?', he asked with frustration.

Alarms started to ring within her. She'd forgotten to buy anything on the way home to support her lie. Sh*t what was she going to say.

She took her time before sheepishly replying, 'Ah, just to morrisons-'.

He'd interrupted her, 'Didn't get anything? That was a long time just to have a look'. He knew she had been lying, again. He wanted to know the truth, he deserved to know the truth.

'I er, ..', she began but didn't have an answer. She'd landed herself init this time. Tucking some strands of hair behind her ear, she cleared her throat awkwardly.

'I've made your dinner', he mumbled as he pointed to the dish next to his. He had almost finished his, and with that, he stood and made his way to the sink. He couldn't bring himself to look at her.

'John needs help tonight at the restaurant, it will be a busy one, so I said I'd help. Don't wait up, I'll be late. I'll see you in the morning'. He carried on washing the dishes as he spoke and didn't give her a second thought before grabbing his coat and making his way to the front door.

Just like that, he left, leaving her alone, again.

**. . .**

'So what is it, love? You know I've got things to do', Melissa rushed as she leant against the counter.

She knew exactly what this was about. She'd known from day one. She had been countlessly trying to deny it to herself.

'Mel', Eddie began, making his way to one chair and taking a seat. Melissa took her eyes away from him and poured herself a glass of water, turning her back to him before starting with some excuse.

'Holly, she needs a bath and-'. She didn't have time to finish before he finally gave her those final words.

'I can't do this. I'm sorry'.

He looked at her and found sadness. He knew that this might ruin everything between himself and his daughter, and because of that, he desperately tried to conceal his tears. Another child that he would probably lose. He was selfish.

Melissa, now in a state was begging and pleading. His heart naturally broke, he didn't mean to do this, but he wasn't happy.

'Please Eddie, I love you, please don't do this. I …', she stopped. She wiped her tears and anger grew within her. She walked up to him, and stood directly in front of him, trying her hardest not to lash out.

Disgust. That's what she felt, and in doing so, she used that to support her words. 'It's Rachel isn't it? You still .. you still love her. You've never stopped'.

He could do nothing but nod. He would not deny it any longer.

'Get out. Get out, Eddie'.

**. . .**

Throwing the rest of her dinner in the bin, she took a minute to realise how much of a mess she was in. She placed her plate into the sink and grabbed herself a large glass from the cupboard, filling it with the crimson liquid that she was all too familiar with. Taking a sip, she found her body relax and her mind fall at ease. This was what she needed after today.

Flicking the kitchen light off, she turned to walk into the direction of her living room. She was brought from her trance by the doorbell ringing.

Her body clammed up, and she did for a second think to hide in the living room until the person behind her front door had left.

It rang again.

She took a moment to compose herself and found the adrenaline pumping through her body.

Three

Two

One

On opening the door, she stood, still and in disbelief. Her body started to shake and her palms started to sweat. Eddie Lawson stood on her doorstep, desperate for her to let him in. He was not going anywhere, regardless of whether or not her husband was around. He would be selfish.

'I love you. I can't hide it any more. I won't let you run any more, Rachel'.

Silence.

For the first time in a long time, she was ready to let him in. She opened the door, giving him the space to enter. He made his way to stand in front of her, inches away from her personal space. He looked deep into her eyes, noted her sadness, and gave himself no more time to think before he acted. Shifting the palm of his hand to her cheek, and bringing her features closer to his, he finally shut the gap between them and kissed her.

There would be absolutely no going back from this. He needed her, and she needed him.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N**:

Thank you all so much for reading, I very much appreciate it. Mrs Carmichael, hannah5240 and fayeftvanity, I really am so thankful for your reviews.

It really will get good in the next chapter, it just needed one last push ...

The collateral damage of love

_I love you_.

She sat, her mind preoccupied from the few days that had gone by. The heavens had opened all day, and frankly, it reflected her mood. Eddie has crossed her mind multiple times already today, and that night was a blur.

Confusion.

He hadn't contacted her since, and she was confused. Was she not good enough? As she was aware, they had crossed that line, and that was enough to prove that they weren't done.

'The year elevens assembly, I was think- ... Rachel?', Kim stopped in her tracks, taking her eyes away from the sheet of paper in front of her, and instead focused on the head teacher deep in thought. Bringing herself from her thoughts, Rachel found Kim glaring at her, arms folded and worry etched across her face. Rachel couldn't lie to her, they'd been friends for a while now and Kim could in fact read her nearly as well as Eddie could.

'Hm, sorry Kim, what were you saying?', Rachel sighed.

'Rachel, if you love him then you need to tell him. A- and if that means leaving Adam then .. you need to do it', exclaimed Kim as she stepped further into Rachel's office. Rachel could tell that Kim was on one, and ready to give her opinion and counselling.

Rachel rolled her eyes in frustration and moaned, 'Kim, I-'.

'You what? You can't leave him? Rachel, Eddie loves you and you love him back. You're making yourself miserable', Kim snapped

**. . .**

_Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock .. _

Eddie, sitting impatiently was starting to feel anger burning inside him. It was 4:30pm and she still wasn't at their session.

**. . .**

Her heart raced as she took in the familiar scene surrounding her. Her she was, again. Another session. Eddie must have already been in there because his car had been visible to her as she drove into the carpark. This was something that she really didn't want to do .. not after that night anyway. Knocking lightly on the door and waiting for instruction, she could hear Dr Williams inviting her in.

This would be interesting.

She clocked him as soon as she entered, her heart felt heavy. Warm hearted, loyal and a great lover. She took a seat next to him and awkwardly took her glance downwards and avoided all eye contact. 

This would be awkward.

Dr Williams cleared his throat and slapped his hands against his thighs before he spoke, 'Okay, so who wants to go first?'.

Nobody answered. Eddie shifted his eyes to Rachel, desperately hoping that she would take this one. He did not understand how they would crack this session. But as usual, she fell silent. Dr Williams had rather hoped that he would get somewhere today with these two, however that was now starting to look rather optimistic.

He tried a different approach thinking something was not okay, and he had been missing something; maybe something important. 'Okay then, should I know anything?', he quizzed looking flatly at both Eddie and Rachel.

Eddie took this que and shared the news that Dr Williams had been desperately waiting for. Shuffling in his chair and accidentally knocking Rachel's arm-accident or not it got her attention-he glared at her with an almighty intensity. 

This would be intense.

'I've finished with Mel. I've moved out', he blurted. As the words left his mouth, he felt a relief wash over him. Every inch of worry had been drained; he still had the battle of communication with his daughter, but this was a new step.

'Okay, and are you, I mean, are you okay?'.

'I'm fine. I think we should ask Rachel', Eddie replied as he took his eyes to her once more. She scoffed and took a long glare before bringing her attention back to the doctor.

'Rachel?', Dr Williams pressed her further for an answer.

Rachel took a moment, and then another. She was stalling her response and everybody knew that. She could feel Eddie's eyes burning onto her, again. She wished he wouldn't do that.

'Yeah, er, I mean if you're happier then-'. It was a rubbish answer, and she was deflecting. Again, this was something that she was brilliant at doing. She felt the doctor take a great interest in wanting to question her further. There was no getting out of this one. 'How do you feel, Rachel?'.

'Great', she responded. Did she just say that she felt great? She wanted the ground to swallow her up, there and then. Dr Williams looked between the pair, and he felt confused once more.

'Great? Sorry, I feel like I'm missing something. Has something happened between the two of you?'.

'Me and Rachel, we ..', Eddie began as he was about to drop the bombshell. This would send Dr Williams even further over the edge. They shouldn't have done it. He waited a moment before continuing, 'Kissed'. 

The doctor froze, and without thinking, he rubbed at his temples. This was not okay. He took their silence as them waiting for him to digest the news.

'And more', Eddie added. They were being honest, right? He would not lie.

'Oh there it is', said Rachel sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. She hated this. She hated people talking about her personal life, especially something so _personal_.

'Rachel, you would have said nothing!', Eddie argued as his body jumped from the seat, and he was now towering over her small frame. The doctor could sense that this would escalate and by god, he did not need that again.

Jumping in, he calmed the situation and tried to make sense of the situation. 'Okay okay, right, so ..when did this happen?', he questioned.

Eddie and Rachel took a quick glance at each other before sharply turning away. 'A few days ago', whispered Rachel. She felt sad and ashamed by her actions. She felt a tear fall again and kicked herself for allowing her emotions to get the better of her. Following Eddie's actions, she stood from her chair and in anger, she raised her voice, 'You know what? I'm ashamed Eddie. I've cheated on my husband, and for what?! For you to take advantage and then just leave me-'.

He cut her short, and mirrored her angry tone, 'Hang on a minute Rachel, I never once took advantage of you! And I messaged you, when I left that evening I messaged, and you didn't reply, again!'. Rachel had absolutely no recollection of any text message, but would investigate further on leaving the room. Had he really sent it? 

Taking the final stand, Dr Williams stood between the pair of them in the middle of the room. He calmed himself before quietly-in hoping they would lower their tone-talking to them and preying they would listen before hurting each other further. 'Right. Please, let's control this before we say things we don't mean. This is getting complicated. I just- .. I want you to both know that this will not help. The blame, the cheating and so forth. Just please, don't deny it any longer'.

Sadness overcame the both of them, and so on seeing this, the doctor asked them one last question.

'So, with that, I have a question to ask .. do you love each other?'.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N:

It's only a small update, but it's a filler for the next chapter ...

Thank you to all reading. A big thankyou to hannah5240, LittleH12, Mrs Carmichael, Fayeftvanity and RachelMasonFan39!

Please enjoy ..

The collateral damage of love

TRUTH. HONESTY.

Silence omitted the room once more, and everyone felt that uneasy tension.

He wanted to be honest, to clear the air and regain some relationship between them.

She wanted to run, hide and wait for it all to be over. She did not want to admit that she was in fact in love with this man.

_Do you love each other?_

They did. What kind of question was that? They were madly in love, and that was obvious. Dr Williams knew that, he just wanted to push and release all the negativity. He wanted to rebuild something that was so delicate, but he wasn't sure if that were possible. And, on top of that, it would take time.

Honesty. It's an interesting word, and it can hurt. Eddie wanted honesty, and so that's exactly what he intended to do, to be _honest_. He was a man of his word.

'I've told Rachel how I feel', Eddie said as he drew the silence to an end. Looking straight at her, he caught her glance for a second before she shifted her eyes downwards. Typical.

Dr Williams picked up on the rejection on her behalf and knew that she would never admit her feelings. Not right now anyway.

'Rachel?', the doctor pushed. He was understanding his boundaries with her, he knew she could crack but there was something inside him telling him to do it.

She might crack.

She will crack.

'Yes', she replied ever so quietly.

Confusion, again. What exactly did 'yes' mean? Both men took a quick look at each other before focusing their attention back to her. Watching as she nervously fiddled with the tips of her fingers and took a deep but silent breath, they awaited her to elaborate further.

'Yes?', Eddie asked. Taking a few dangerous footsteps towards her, he could see a million emotions dashing quickly across her features.

Worry. Sadness. Anger. Happiness even.

'Yes, I ..I still love you'.

This was it. She'd finally admitted it.

_I still love you_. Those four words.

He stood still, slightly taken aback by her words. He didn't expect it. She had always been stubborn, strong-minded and never spontaneous. This was out of character.

And just like that, she removed her wedding band. She placed it in her bag and decided that she would deal with it later. Walking up to Eddie, tears fell from her eyes and she begged him to help her; she wanted to heal.

Panic flashed across the doctor's face and he didn't know how to evaluate the situation. He stood, awkwardly and let them be for the next few minutes.

**Confidentiality** he told himself.

A **duty of care** for his patients.

He was a **professional**.

Adam. He had phoned that day, asking if his wife had been attending sessions.

Adam had read Eddie's text message that night and deleted it. He was the culprit.

It would never be that _easy_.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**:  
So I haven't wrote like this in a really long time and I'm out of practise so I hope that it's okay. Thank you to Mrs Carmichael, fayeftvanity, RachelMasonFan39, hannah5240 and LittleH12.

Please enjoy!

The collateral damage of love

One hour. Sixty minutes. Three thousand, six hundred seconds.

That had been precisely how long it had been since her revelation. She hadn't regretted it, not one bit. Her heart however was palpitating, and her mouth felt dry. She grabbed the wheel a little tighter to keep control of the car, forcing her attention on something other than Adam.

Adam.  
Her husband.  
His kindness, humour and devotion for her.  
It just wasn't enough.  
She craved for a man that wasn't her husband.

The street looked familiar and within seconds she realised that she was home. Giving herself a minute, she relaxed her body and took a deep breath. Her hands were shaking as she reached to open the door and suddenly she was met with the cold icy air battering against her skin. Weirdly, it was refreshing.

She made her way to the front door and unlocked it slowly before meeting a cold and dark welcoming.

Nobody was home.

Switching the lights, she found a small white piece of paper with her name addressed. On opening, she found a note from Adam.

_I've gone away for a few days. I need to clear my head. Adam. _

Strangely, there was a sudden emptiness in her heart. She cared for him; she worried for him. She might not have loved him, but he was her friend before anything.

Perching herself onto the sofa, her mind wandered, thinking over five million different things. She was a professional at this.

He helped her get over Eddie .. for a while.  
He had shown her how to laugh when life was hard.  
He had given her life when she felt life was not worth living.

But that still hadn't been enough, and she blamed herself.

For once, she would be selfish and she would choose her heart over her head.

**. . .**

It was quiet. His house was empty, a contrast from the life he had been living with Melissa.

He missed her. Not in the conventional 'I can't live without you' sort of miss, but just the company and the many laughs they'd shared. Sometimes for a second, his mind would be lifted from Rachel when they'd been having a joke.

She'd given him his daughter, whom he'd treasured dearly.  
She'd secured him the company that he so badly craved for.  
She'd made life more bearable when it wasn't the way he wanted to live it.

Unfortunately, she just wasn't enough.

**. . .**

She grabbed her phone from her handbag and as she did so, she came across her wedding band that she'd slung in there earlier. She admired it for a few moments before deciding to place it in the drawer in the hallway. She didn't want to just throw it away .. Adam deserved better than that.

On remembering to retrieve her phone, she opened her contacts to see his name. She'd never deleted his number, she had in fact just renamed him to a simple full stop. Clicking the call button, she brought the phone to her ear, eagerly awaiting to hear his voice.

A few moments went by and he still hadn't answered. She began to panic. Just as she was about to hang up, a familiar voice answered.

_'Rachel?'_

_'Eddie'_

_'Are you okay?'_

_'Adam wasn't home'_

_'Ah'_

_'Eddie, can you-'_

_'Can I come over?'_

_'Yes'_

_'Give me twenty minutes'_

_'Thank you'_

That was all she needed to hear. The safety of his voice was enough to calm her spiralling state.

**. . . **

It had been twenty-two minutes, and he was late. She couldn't be mad, she expected he would run late. It was Eddie Lawson. She expected nothing else. As she was in the moment, she could hear a car pull up outside and it was him.

She hovered by the door, careful not to be too eager. She waited precisely seven seconds after his knock to open the door. There he stood, slumped leaning against the door frame.

'Hey', he said with a small smile.

'Hey', she replied opening the door wide so he could make his way in.

On walking inside, he stopped alongside her and placed a small kiss on her cheek, cautious not cross unknown territory. She closed her eyes at his touch and placed her hand on his arm to reassure him it was okay. She was okay. They were okay.

He followed her lead into the kitchen and sat on the stool. Watching as she reached for two glasses and the bottle of whisky.

'Drink?', she questioned as she poured the glass, anyway.

'How do you feel?', it was his turn to question her. He brought the liquid to his lips as she set it in front of him, feeling the burning sensation hitting his chest.

'I meant what I said', she replied as she mirrored his actions and took a rather big sip out of the glass.

He studied her once again-it had become natural when they were together-and took her in for a few moments. He was savouring her.

'Good. I don't want anyone else, Rach', there was sincerity in his voice, and the atmosphere became intense.

'Eddie, do you, you know, ever think about the baby?'. She couldn't even believe she was asking, but she'd found the strength to ask.

He got up from the stool and walked to her, upon reaching her, he grabbed hold of her shoulders.

'Every day. Don't you think for one second that I don't. I wish you would have let me help you', he muttered the last part. He felt somewhat ashamed and felt responsible for her state.

He placed a kiss to her forehead and felt the warmth run through his body as he pulled her closer. Within seconds, they found themselves wrapped in each other, and her lips on his. Tenderness and passion engulfed them.

They hadn't noticed the figure standing in the doorway, watching in disbelief and sadness.

'Rachel?'.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**:

I do apologise for the wait for this chapter, I have a toddler and well, say no more. I'm a little hesitant about how people will react to this, but this is just how I think Adam would have reacted, however I understand if people think differently. Thank you for reading and a special thanks to Mrs Carmichael, fayeftvanity, Lynny, RachelMasonFan39, hannah5240 and LittleH12!

Please enjoy.

The collateral damage of love

Adam.

He had seen them. Kissing. This was not okay.

Hurt. Shame. GUILT.

Within seconds, Rachel and Eddie had turned to face Adam. Shock. His whole body was suffering, and anger emerged not so long after.

'It's okay', Eddie whispered as he could sense this would turn ugly. He felt her body tense, and she began to distance herself away from him.

'Adam I-', Rachel began but stopped as Adam cut in, sharply.

'Eddie. This is Eddie. It all makes sense now', Adam said as he edged closer to them. As soon as the words left his mouth, he could see Rachel duck her head in shame. He was piecing the jigsaw bit by bit.

'Adam, I can explain-', desperately she answered.

'Dont bother. You were my wife Rachel', he sarcastically replied.

My wife. It made her heart ache. This man had taken her when she'd hit rock bottom. He'd tried his very best to keep her happy, and she'd betrayed him, and not only once.

'I was. I am-', she quickly rambled as she'd realised her mistake.

The clocks were turning, and he felt himself getting more and more worked up. The thought of his wife being with someone else. It was killing him.

'You've been with him all of this time .. every time you've been out!'. Eddie nearly cut in finally trying to calm the situation, but it was short lived by Rachel pleading.

'Adam, it wasn't like that-'. It was a cry for him to understand, to finally realise how she had felt, for her to be open.

'Then what Rachel?!', Adam shouted as he turned away from her.

He was disgusted.

He gave it a moment before turning back to them. He glared at Eddie before talking once more, 'I know you've been seeing some psych with him'.

'The dr you've been seeing, I asked him and he told me he'd never heard of you .. he was protecting this', Adam gritted his teeth as he neared the end of his sentence elaborating on the 'this'.

He was furious.

Eddie had sensed that Adam's anger was at boiling point and he didn't want Rachel to be in a situation she had no control over. He wanted to protect her, like he should have done from the day she left.

He rested his hand on her back, reassuring her he was there but also careful not to overstep the mark and make the situation any harder on anyone.

'Hey that's enough', Eddie said as he looked to Adam.

'I'm her husband. I suggest you leave'.

'Eddie', Rachel whispered hoping he'd leave the room for a few moments. She needed to sort this, and she needed to do this on her own.

'No. I'm not leaving', sternly Eddie told her as he shoved his hands in his pockets taking a stand.

'Eddie, please, I just need to explain'. She placed her hand on his arm trying to reassure him she was okay. In all honesty, he knew this was raw, and it needed to be handled in a delicate manner, but he just couldn't bare the thought of her taking the hit. Still, he trusted her.

'I'll be in the living room', he grunted as he made his way to the other room, cautiously crossing Adam.

**. . .**

It had been several minutes, and the room had been nothing but silent.

Rachel took the opportunity whilst it was quiet. She wanted to be honest with him. He deserved that, at least.

'I never wanted to hurt you, Adam', she sighed watching as he shook his head. He didn't believe her. She couldn't blame him, she had done the worst thing possible.

'I don't want to hear it. You've made your bed'. His words had hit her like a thousand bricks and she felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness dawn upon her.

'Please-', she stopped for a second. Lifting her eyes to his and placing her hand on her chest, she took him in.

'How did you know about Dr Williams?', she asked.

'I read your text from him. That night, I came home and seen that he'd messaged saying he already missed you, and that he would see you for your next session. I found some number on your phone and phoned them', he spoke as she listened, carefully. He had been through her phone. Eddie had told the truth, and he really had messaged her. She stood in disbelief sick at the thought of him seeing what Eddie could have said. Her whole body had stopped. What did Adam know?

'What did he mean when he said he already missed you?', Adam asked. In all honesty, he was sure he already knew the answer, but he just didn't want it to be confirmed; admitting what his wife had done would be torture.

'It was from that time in the school', she quickly answered. It was a lie and her lips began to quiver.

'You're lying, Rachel'.

Sh*t.

'Please do not tell me it was that night?', he started edging closer to her, and his anger boiled with every step. He watched as she shifted her eyes away from his.

GUILTY.

'It was, wasn't it?! He was in this house!', Adam roared as she looked on terrified.

'It wasn't like that', she spoke quietly hoping he'd stop.

'Did you sleep with him?!', Adam demanded to know the truth. Tears fell from her eyes, and she nodded slowly. She couldn't lie anymore.

'That's it'. Adam grabbed his keys from the top and came to a holt when he saw Eddie standing in the doorway. He glared at him before clenching his fists.

Three.  
Two.  
One.

He stopped. He knew he'd be no better if he punched him. Pushing Eddie out the way, he hastily made his way to the front door, slamming it on his way out.

The loud slam of the door brought Rachel to her realisation. Adam had gone and it was her fault. She'd hurt him. More tears fell and she buried her face in her hands before she felt the warmth of Eddie pulling her in to him. He spoke the famous four words, like he had done that day Mel had returned.

_'I am so sorry'. _


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N**:

Thank you all for your patience and wonderful reviews! Many thanks to Mrs Carmichael, hannah5240, RachelMasonFan39, Lynny, fayeftvanity and Amelia0204.

Please enjoy.

The collateral damage of love

Twenty-four hours.

It had been a whole day since he had left, and nevertheless, she missed him. It confused her, and she couldn't understand why. She wanted Eddie, and she needed Eddie, but Adam, he was her friend.

Just like that, the doorbell rang. She almost jumped at the sound and wondered who it could have been.

Unlocking the chain, it revealed the very man that she had been thinking about moments prior. Adam. He looked tired, sad and more than anything, defeated. She had done this to him.

He took a quick look at her before giving her a quick nod. He couldn't even stand the sight of her, and that killed her.

'Hi', he blurted before looking back at his car.

'Hello'. It was a quiet greeting on her behalf, and she pulled the door open wider and hoped that he would take the hint to come in and talk.

'I've just come to get my stuff and then I'll be gone'. His words had hit her once again, and reality sank in. His belongings, that's all he wanted.

She wanted to press further and to plead him for his forgiveness but it wasn't the time. Instead, she gave a small nod and stepped away from the door. 'Where did you go?', she questioned.

'Does it matter?', his question was short and sweet, ironically imaging this visit.

She followed him briskly, annoying him. There was a hint of desperation in her voice as she spoke, 'Adam, please, I just want to explain'.

He stuffed some belongings in his bag and carried on into the next room. He avoided all eye contact with her. 'I think you've said all you need to say'.

She left him be for a few moments before returning to the entrance of the doorway. 'I didn't mean to hurt you'.

He stopped momentarily and felt his heart sink. He didn't want to hear it, but he felt her sadness. He hated the thought of her upset but knew she had done wrong. He turned to look at her properly for the first time that night.

'Where is he?', Adam questioned watching as she almost winced at the thought. There was an awkward tension to the air, and she wanted him to know the truth.

'He's gone home. I needed some space', she averted her eyes away from his. It was true, Eddie had gone for a few days respecting the situation.

'I'll send over the divorce papers in the next few days'.

Divorce. She had failed. She felt her eyes fill, and her body felt numb.

He waited for a reply, but in true style to her nature, there was nothing.

'I wouldn't have done that to you. My wife or not, my loyalty was always there'. She watched as he grabbed as his bags and made his way to the car. It had really hit home, and she felt awful.

She found herself lonely, again.

**. . .**

She had locked herself away in her office, again. This was becoming all too common. It was her safety. Still, she had a job to do and she couldn't afford to jeopardise that.

Straightening her suit jacket and wiping at her eyes, she pulled herself together and made way toward Kim's classroom. She wanted to organise something for the kids, for all their hard work that term and nobody knew better what to do than Kim.

On arriving at her classroom, she saw the kids engaging and embracing their creativity. It made her smile, and for the first time in a while, she felt a warm feeling engulf her. She was proud of them.

Kim opened the door and greeted Rachel with a smile.

'Rachel, hi', Kim said as she closed the door behind her. She trusted the kids to behave and carry on with their task.

'Kim, I wanted to ask your opinion on something. I want to arrange something for the kids, you know, end of term and whatnot', Rachel said watching the kids from the corner of her eye.

'Erm okay, what about a school disco?', asked Kim as she folded her arms and waited for Rachel's opinion. She knew a disco probably wasn't the best idea but in saying that, they didn't have many options.

'With the likes of Bolton? Maybe not, eh? He's still in my bad books after the choir incident'. Rachel rolled her eyes at the thought of Bolton and his little 'incident'. The little sod deserved nothing she thought.

'Okay, er, well what about a charity football match? Girls and boys?', Kim answered eagerly. She observed as Rachel thought for a few seconds.

'Why not? Can I leave it with you to organise? Maybe I'll get Tom in on it too'

'Yeah sure, I'll tell him at lunch'.

'Great, thanks Kim', Rachel smiled as she left Kim deep in thought.

She pulled her phone from her pocket on hearing her message tone as she began to walk to the cooler.

Her heart stopped. Eddie, he had messaged. He'd given her time as promised and now he was ready for answers. Truth be told, she didn't know the answers, not yet anyway. On opening the message, she hoped it wouldn't be anything too complex.

I know you're hurting and I know this probably isn't enough time but I care about you Rach. Can we please meet later? X

She wondered what she would say. She closed the message and gave herself some time. She loved him, but this was complicated. Her marriage was ending, and she'd hurt somebody who only ever wanted the best for her. She craved for Eddie badly, but it still felt wrong.

**. . . **

Another day, and honestly, he needed a break. He was tired of all the continuous drama, and how exhausting it was. He wanted Rachel and his daughter. Simple. Over the last few weeks, Melissa had ignored his messages regarding Holly. He knew ending things with Melissa would have consequences, but she was hurting their daughter too and it was wrong.

On looking down at his phone, he found an unknown number ringing. Frowning, he pressed the accept button to an old friend.

_'Eddie Lawson speaking'_

_'Hey mate, it's Tom'_

_'Tom?'_

_'Tom Clarkson from Waterloo Road'_

_'Sorry mate, how are you?'_

_'Yeah good thanks, how are things there?'_

_'You know, they're okay, can't complain'_

_'Listen, me and Kim are organising an event for the end of term, a charity football event. We thought it would be an idea to get some other schools involved. Do you think John fosters would be up to it?'_

_'I'm not so sure Tom after that incident with Bolton and one of my lot'_

_'Ah come on Eddie, the kids will be dying to see you. Afraid of losing is it'_

_'No no, we wouldn't lose mate. You've got yourself a match'._

**. . .**

Seven o'clock. She was tired, and she needed her bed. She also needed Eddie. She hadn't replied to his earlier message and now she had been kicking herself. _Enough_ she thought as she pulled herself from the sofa and made her way to the phone. Finding his number, she waited a few seconds before the line connected. There was a familiar voice that answered, but it wasn't Eddie's.

'Melissa?'.

Within seconds, she put the phone down. Melissa and Eddie, together.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**:  
Thank you for your continued support, especially Mrs Carmichael, RachelMasonFan39, Lynny, Hannah5240 and fayeftvanity!

The italics are a session that Rachel is thinking about with Dr Williams the day after she had heard Mel on the phone.

Please enjoy.

The collateral damage of love

One glass.  
Two glasses.  
Three glasses.

The wine stained her lips, bringing them a darker shade everytime she took another sip. It was a school night, and she was mind numbingly drunk. It would be the only way to face him tomorrow. She hadn't told anyone about the phone call, and in all honesty, she was embarrassed.

She was single, lonely and ashamed. Her actions had caused the ending of her marriage and now she was suffering.

**. . . **

_Rachel: I'm getting a divorce._

_Dr Williams: Adam knows ..._

_Rachel: Yes._

_Dr Williams: How did he react?_

_Rachel: Well he hates me. He can't even look at me._

_Dr Williams: I'm sure he doesn't hate you. He just- .. it takes time to heal, you know that._

_Rachel: Yes I know._

_Dr Williams: Did you tell him?_

_Rachel: He found me and Eddie._

_Dr Williams: Ah._

**. . . **

The day had dawned, and she woke to a torturous headache. She was almost sure she was still drunk. This would be hell. Bringing her legs to the side of her bed, she caught her reflection in the mirror. She had never seen herself look so well, unlike her. She took a moment to reflect. Drinking would solve nothing. It was a new day. They say that one day you wake up and realise; you realise what's important and what you need to do to fix yourself.

Today was the day that she would fix herself. She'd have a hangover, but she'd bloody well try.

She was tired of being sad. Dr Williams had been right, she would never fix herself wallowing in self pity.

. . .

_Dr Williams: Are you tired?_

_Rachel: I'm tired everyday._

_Dr Williams: No. Tired of being sad._

_Rachel: I'm exhausted._

_Dr Williams: So do something about it._

_Rachel: What are you saying?_

_Dr Williams: Fix yourself. Stop worrying about others. Melissa, Eddie and Adam. They're gone. Fix yourself, Rachel._

**. . . **

She arrived at the school grounds and unbeknown to her, events had escalated with Eddie a few miles away. She clutched at her bag and made her way towards the doors. She cherished the silence before it would swarm with excited kids gearing up for the last day of term. It wasn't long before Tom arrived eager for the day ahead. Anything for football. He had seen her in the distance and ran to catch up with her.

'Rachel!', he called out.

She spun around to face the slightly out of breath English teacher. 'You okay Tom?', she quizzed.

He shifted, not sure where to look. He felt awkward. 'Yeah, look, I er, I just wanted to say I'm sorry'.

She frowned and looked quizzing at him, before asking, 'What for?'.

'Eddie. I should have asked about John Fosters coming before I asked him. I didn't think-', he rambled before she cut in.

'Tom, it's okay, honestly. Things have moved on. Let's just concentrate on winning this match, shall we?', she gave him a smile as she spoke. It was okay. This was okay.

He looked confused. Was she deflecting the issue or was she really okay? Still, he went with it, trusting she had been telling the truth.

'Er yeah sure'.

**. . . **

_Dr Williams: Do you ever think maybe you need to find yourself before anything?_

_Rachel: Yes, but I know what I want._

_Dr Williams: What is that?_

_Rachel: Eddie._

_Dr Williams: So if you know then-_

_Rachel: He's back with Melissa._

_Dr Williams: How do you know that? Have you asked him?_

_Rachel: No._

_Dr Williams: Don't you think you should?_

**. . . **  
When Kim had told her that John Fosters had been asked to join the match, she knew that she'd have to face him. She hadn't been ready, but here she was. She was doing it for charity.

Here. We. Go

The crowds overwhelmed her as she joined the event on the field. Waterloo road one side and John Fosters another-from previous experience two schools would be hard enough. She scanned the boys playing and had spotted the likes of Bolton and Paul, at least they were behaving for now. Her eyes scanned towards the sideline, and just like that, she saw him. He was on his way over to her.

Sh*t.

She buried herself deeper into her coat to hide. Who was she bloody kidding? She found members of staff looking over to her as he neared closer. God, she really didn't need an audience. She diverted her eyes away from his, but couldn't escape him when she heard him clearing his throat.

'Avoiding me?', he said as he took the space next to her. His eyes also focused on the kids.

'No. I'm watching the kids', she said as she pulled her coat even closer.

He rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets in annoyance. 'Oh give over Rachel', he mocked.

'Nice to see you and Mel are getting on again'. She couldn't help herself. She'd let it slip. She looked over to him as he crinkled his forehead in confusion.

'Melissa? How do you know about that?', he asked edging into her. She knew the staff were glaring, and she did not understand how to control this situation.

Gazing her attention back to the kids, she lowered her tone and replied, 'I know you were together the other night'.

His hands jolted from his pockets and he rose them in defence before desperately trying to convince her, 'Rachel, I swear it's not like that'.

'Save it Eddie, I don't want to know'. She was sharp with him. She wanted him to know that she wasn't doing this.

'You've got this so wrong!', Eddie exclaimed. His sudden outburst caused the surrounding staff and some pupils to suddenly stop their conversations. She could see concern amongst most of them and instantly felt the need to diffuse the conversation.

'Eddie, I don't want to know, now if you don't mind keeping your voice down-', before she had the chance to finish, he left her reeling with his latest news. 'Melissa, she's left Rach, and she's left Holly with me'.

Silence.

Holly. His daughter. For a minute or two, she had forgotten. How could Melissa have left her own child? It saddened Rachel that Melissa had the opportunity to be a mother, to love and to care for a tiny human being who doted on her. It made her feel sick. She felt the colour drain from her face, and she stood in disbelief before Eddie pleaded to her.

'Rachel, please, I need help. I need you'.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N**:

I struggled with this chapter a little as I wanted to make sure I approached the subject in the best way that I could. The scene in italics is a memory from the night of the miscarriage.

Many thanks for the lovely reviews hannah5240, Mrs Carmichael, fayeftvanity, LittleH12, RachelMasonFan39 and Lynny!

Please enjoy.

The collateral damage of love

Panic.

Panic within her surroundings, and her chest felt tight. Four letters, and it terrified her. Help. He wanted help, he needed help. How could she possibly help him when she could barely help herself?

She studied him as he stood hunched, and his whole body echoed in despair. She could feel the glare from the staff as they continued to look over. She pulled her coat closer, once again, but this time to shield herself from being too exposed with her feelings.

'Look, let's go up to my office and sort this mess out. I don't want an audience', she said as she sighed.

He nodded and followed her as he carefully kept his distance afraid she'd push him further away.

**. . . **

'Wonder what her highness was shying away from now', Grantley muttered as continued to read his paper from the sidelines.

'Trouble in paradise round two', Steph chipped in as she continued to stare on watching the couple.

'Well as long as she doesn't take it out on the rest of us then it doesn't concern-', Grantley began to moan before Steph cut in sharply. 'Oh shut it Grantley, I'm trying to watch and you're moaning away!'.

'Er Steph, they're walking away now'. Tom pointed to Rachel and Eddie as they walked to the direction of her office.

'Grantley, it's your fault I missed that!', Steph exclaimed throwing her hands in the air. She always had been melodramatic.

Kim looked on, worry amongst her features as she processed the scene just exposed to her. 'Tom I'm going to check Rachel's okay', she said.

'Kim, I think we should leave it. This is more than we all know', Tom replied as he tried to deter the situation from being any worse than it already was. Kim nodded and focused back on the match.

**. . .**

The room felt claustrophobic, and she felt as though she couldn't breathe. She felt overwhelmed. The man she was desperately in love with was before her begging her for help.

He felt her uneasy tension, and so, he attempted to apologise. 'I'm sorry for putting this on you Rach', he said with sadness to his tone.

She started to fiddle with the paperwork on her desk to busy herself away from the truth.

'She's my sister Eddie, you're not putting on me', she spoke as she continued to find distractions.

'Yeah but still, Holly, I mean ..', he stopped as he saw her react to his daughter's name. This was such a delicate matter, and he was so afraid of crossing the line.

'It's okay', she hesitated, took a few steps away from her desk and made a way to her window.

'No, it's not okay Rach. I know it's hard for you', he said.

She felt the sun hit her skin, and she took a deep breath. The sun had always been so uplifting, it gave her the energy that she desperately needed and it gave her the strength to continue with making herself better.

They fell silent for a few moments, and then she took the opportunity to ask him something.

'I think I'd like to meet her, if- .. if that's okay?', fear laced her tone and she wasn't sure if she had made the right decision.

_I'd like to meet her._

Did Rachel just say those exact words?

Eddie felt an eternity of emotions as he tried to digest her request. He felt himself zone out of their conversation thinking of every scenario of what could happen. He was however pulled from his thoughts by her voice, 'I mean if you don't-'.

Before she could continue, she was interrupted by him, 'No no, I just-'. He stopped, and the room fell quiet. He took a moment to remember that terrible night.

**. . . **

_She had finally emerged from the bathroom after what felt like hours, her eyes slightly swollen from all the crying. She looked fragile. He slowly lifted himself from the sofa and carefully made his way towards her, watching to see if his movements alarmed her. On approaching her, he felt her breathing was heavy, and she dared not look at him. _

_'Rach?', he asked hoping she would talk. Her eyes remained focused on the floor, and her hand fell across her chest-a common sign that she wasn't okay. On noticing the signs, he pulled her into him, and instantly she fell into his embrace. _

_'I'm sorry, Eddie'. Her words made his heart sting, and he felt the urge to shake her and desperately tell her it wasn't her fault. He just knew actions like those wouldn't help. So, instead he pulled her in tighter and whispered, 'Hey, don't you ever say sorry. I love you'._

_They'd lost a piece of their hearts that could have never been replaced, and that was the greatest loss imaginable._

**. . .**

Withdrawing from the painful memory, he brought his eyes to hers. She had been standing nervously awaiting him to carry on. He cleared his throat before confirming that she would really do this.

'Are you sure you're ready for this?'.

**. . . **

The school day was drawing to a close, and before long the bell rang out. Eddie had left with the John Fosters lot a little while ago, and she'd spent that time hiding in her office. She'd had a quick five-minute walk to find out how the match went and congratulated the kids on taking part, but that was it.

Sitting at her desk, she kept thinking back to how she'd told Eddie that she was ready to finally meet her niece, his child. She didn't know where the confidence came from, or even if she could go through with it, but she knew it was the right thing to do. Like the Dr had said, she had to fix herself. She had been punishing a small child because of her own sadness.

**. . .**

Collecting her bag, and tidying the remains of her office, she set off home to prepare herself. On entering the hallway, she ran into Kim.

'How are you? You know, after seeing Eddie', Kim asked as both women came to a holt at the top of the stairs.

'Well, I survived the day, so that's something, huh?', Rachel said as she raised her eyebrows.

'Rachel, I think you need to give it a chance'. Kim knew it was never easy trying to convince Rachel, but being the friend she was, she couldn't just let it go.

'It's complicated Kim, I can't just jump in there. Melissa, she's left, and er, she's left the baby with Eddie', explained Rachel as she looked anywhere but at Kim.

Shell-shocked at the last revelation, Kim exclaimed, 'She's left?!'.

'Yup'. A simple answer was all Rachel gave before eyeing her watch to see the minutes ticking on. In a rushed tone, she closed the conversation before she'd have to dive anymore into it.

'Look, I've got to go but I'll call you in the week okay?'.

**. . .**

Her heart raced, she couldn't remember how to walk, even to speak. She'd somehow drove to Eddie's on autopilot, completely focused on the challenge placed upon her.

There was still time to turn around. She could still leave. She'd still have time to run away.

No.

She had to face this. It was time. It would be a vital part of the healing process, and she wanted to heal, badly.

Tapping quietly at his door, she awaited to see him, _them_. She could hear him unlocking the door, and her body felt numb. Within seconds, the light of his house met the darkness from outside and she gasped.

There she was. Holly. A tiny human-being. Half Eddie, half Melissa, and she was beautiful.

Her heart shattered into a million pieces. She craved to hold the little girl and to love her like she should have from the beginning. On the other half, she felt it were too close to home, and it were a constant reminder of what she could have had.

She would, however, not be selfish.

She felt tears slide down her face, and surprisingly to Eddie, she didn't attempt to swiftly wipe them away. On sensing her auntie's emotion, Holly ran to her. Stopping with only a few inches between them, she looked to her and took her dad's hand.

'Auntie Rachel sad'.

Rachel fell to her knees and found she were level with Holly. Suddenly, the fear drained from her, and her motherly instinct encouraged her to stroke the little girl's cheek before convincing her that everything was okay.

'They're happy tears to see you ..', Rachel began before pausing, giving herself time to prepare for the hardest part.

'Holly'.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: This chapter is a little filler for the next one. The italics are from when Rachel met Holly. Many thanks to everyone still reading, and a special thanks to hannah5240, Mrs Carmichael, Lynny, RachelMasonFan39 and fayeftvanity.

The collateral damage of love

Time.

They say time heals you.

They sat, just like many times before and awaited the many questions that the Dr had for them. It had been a whirlwind since they had last met him. She hadn't been ready to talk before and insisted that she needed a few days to recollect her thoughts. And so, on a Thursday afternoon, here they were again. Rachel, Eddie and Dr Williams.

Dr Williams began the session, aware of what had happened after having a one on one with Eddie.

'Eddie came to see me, he said you've met ...'. He took a long pause and wondered how he would approach such a troublesome topic. He gave it a while before testing her.

'Holly'.

After bringing himself to name the little girl, he searched her for a reaction. She winced, but not as much as he might have thought. To convince both Eddie and the Dr, she made it clear how she felt.

'I'm okay. I think I can talk about it', she said watching both men as they looked at her.

Dr Williams thought about questioning her honesty, but he gave her the benefit of the doubt and let her continue in her own time.

'I've been selfish. I .. I put my own feelings first, and that was wrong', she stuttered unable to hide the guilt that ran deeply within her.

'That's not true, Rachel. You needed time', Eddie objected as he looked for confirmation from the Dr. A slight nod from him was enough to give Eddie the confidence that his statement was true.

'It was wrong of me. I've denied her of an auntie because I couldn't handle it. I was weak'. She had never liked to admit that she were wrong, but, she knew she had been.

'Rachel, I think-', Eddie began before Dr Williams decided that now was the time to address the situation.

'Do you remember what we spoke about? About fixing yourself? That's what you needed to do, Rachel. There would have been major repercussions if you would have built a relationship in that state'.

**. . . **

_The small child awaited her auntie to follow her to the living room. She was eager to show her the countless toys that had accumulated on the carpet. _

_It had hit Rachel just how much she had missed. She was completely transfixed by the scene unfolding in front of her. Looking over to Eddie, she found him observing her. She blushed at the thought of him watching her. Leaning her body against the frame of the door, she smiled._

_'She's beautiful Eddie. She looks just like you', she whispered. _

_'You think?', he asked gently. He knew that at any moment it may get too much and she wouldn't be able to cope. _

_'Yes'. _

_'Do you want a coffee, or something a little stronger?', he questioned._

_'A coffee will be fine, thank you,' she answered. On watching him leave the room, she was unsure whether to follow him or remain with Holly. Naturally, she didn't want to leave her unsupervised. _

_'She'll be okay', Eddie called out to her on noticing that she remained unsure what to do._

**. . .**

Dr Williams cleared his throat before adverting his eyes back to her.

'Do you think you'd like to see her again?', he quizzed.

'I think it's important that I do', Rachel replied as she looked to him. Deep down, she knew exactly what she had to do.

'I'd like you to see her again, Rach. But only if you're sure'. She knew that Eddie craved for her to build a relationship, and in all honesty, she owed him that at least.

'I think I've realised that Holly was never a- ...a replacement'.

**. . .**

_She stood at the door of his kitchen, watching as he made them both a coffee. She'd thought many things but one thing had played upon her. He was the most beautiful father. She had known this from experience with Michael, but taking on the role of Holly's main parental carer had really tested him, and by God, he was doing a brilliant job. She brought herself closer to him by edging slowly into the kitchen. Watching as he noticed her presence, she told him exactly where her thoughts had wandered to. _

_'It suits you Eddie, you know, being a father'. Her statement made his heart warm, and he handed her the cup of coffee. _

_'Thanks. I guess I'm lucky this time around and not like with Michael-..', he halted. He had crossed the line. He brought the gap between them closer in hope to save her from running._

_'I didn't mean-', Eddie started before he found her eyes focusing on him. A deep pool of sadness engulfing them. _

_'And because you didn't get to have the chance with our baby?', she asked him quietly. Quickly, he brought the palm of his hand to her cheek, and gently kissed the top of her head._

_'I didn't have the chance, no. I would have loved our child, Rachel'._

**. . . **

Eddie had given her the comfort that she had badly craved for all these years. The countless sessions with Dr William's had helped for sure, but this was different.  
Admitting that she needed help was only the beginning. Confronting her fears would save her and it would lead her to find peace within herself.

Little did she know that Eddie craved so much more than for her to just fix herself. He wanted her all to himself. Selfish? It may have been just that.

Eddie wanted her to be his wife, and to some, the revelation had been absurd.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N**: I only have two chapters left after this one to post before the fic is complete. I do, however have another fic that I have started so ...

Many thanks to Mrs Carmichael, hannah5240, fayeftvanity, RachelMasonFan39 & LittleH12!

Please enjoy.

The collateral damage of love

**I do. I don't. **

**. . . **

_'Rachel Mason, do you take Adam Benjamin Fleet to be your lawful wedded husband?'._

_'Yes ... I do, I do'._

**. . . **

She'd done it again. She'd thought about her wedding day.  
Divorce papers scattered her desk, and she felt an overwhelming feeling swallow her. She was hardly one to mix her professional life with her personal, and so it was much not like her to bring these papers into school. She did in fact have no choice as she had been so caught up with Eddie that her home life had become busy. Ironically, she had more free time in school. Over the last few weeks she had been helping Eddie with Holly, and it felt right. She felt as if she were finally fulfilling her rightful duties as an aunt; she was taking care of her when her mother couldn't.

After reading through the countless documents, her hand hovered over the dotted line where her signature was required. This was only the beginning, it was only her acknowledging his request. She pondered over the last few months. She never thought she'd be in this position. She had always been willing to stay unhappy in her marriage to avoid being lonely, again.

Hearing a knock at the door, she quickly bundled the papers together and shoved them out of sight. Much to her dismay, Steph Haydock had been standing there, watching as she bundled her disappointment and guilt into the depth of her drawer.

'Come at a bad time, have I?', Steph questioned a slight smirk emerging.

'What is it Steph?', Rachel replied with an underlying to her tone.

'Bolton'. Rachel rolled her eyes in frustration.

'What's he done now?', she asked waiting on Steph's answer. She really didn't need this right now.

'He's punched Dom'.

Great. Round two of his old tricks returning.

'Oh for goodness' sake! Why?', Rachel quizzed on rising from her seat. She slowly made her way to the door, eagerly anticipating the confrontation with Bolton.

'I don't know and he won't tell me'. Steph had made a mental note to further question Rachel on the latest rumour that had been circulating, but decided that now probably wasn't the best time.

**. . .**

'Bolton, sit down', she ordered on entering the cooler. Standing with her arms crossed and giving him an angry glare, he knew he was in trouble.

'Why am I hearing your name again?!', she asked demanding he answered. She watched as he kept his head down, refusing to face her.

'Sorry miss', he mumbled.

'Dom. Why did you punch him?'. On walking nearer towards him, she continued to glare hoping he would tell her the truth. She gave him a minute. He refused to answer. She had cracked Bolton a very long time ago, and so this infuriated her.

'Well?!', she shouted. Her mighty shout made him jump ever so slightly. He hadn't felt her wrath this bad since she lectured him for the fight with John Fosters.

'He said things init', he said finally lifting his head. His words made her panic.

'Said what?', she quizzed watching the anger return within him. Still, for her own safety, he kept quiet.

'Said what Bolton?!', she demanded once again.

'Said you were a slapper miss!', he blurted whilst rising out of his seat pacing the room. He often did this when he felt the urge to hit out. He hadn't noticed the headteacher back away to find the security of the wall behind her. Leaning to stop herself from falling to the ground.

'What? ...', she whispered but audible enough for Bolton to hear.

'He was sayin' that you had an affair with Lawson init', he muttered watching as she took the time to compose herself.

Confusion. She felt confusion. Affair? How would the kids know? It was common knowledge that she and Adam were no longer together but not Eddie. She pulled herself from her thoughts and cleared her throat.

'Mr Lawson? What?', she asked. Looking at him directly, she eagerly awaited his reply.

'Someone seen you the other day'.

**. . .**

The drive home felt long and she couldn't work out whether or not it was a good thing. She didn't really want to have the conversation with Eddie tonight. She just wanted it to be normal. Pulling into the drive, she sat for a second taking a deep breath.

Why was life never simple?

Well it was now or never.

Upon reaching the door, she pushed it open to find Eddie waiting for her.

'I have something to ask Rach, now I know-', he said. Regardless of whether or not it was important, she wanted this conversation over and done with. She was tired.

'I have something to tell you', she interrupted him watching his expression change ever so slightly.

'What?', he questioned stepping closer to her. She could feel his hand touch her arm, and in an instant she felt safe again.

'The kids, they know'.

'They know what exactly?'. Eddie couldn't understand what she had been talking about.

'About me and you, and the .. affair', she watched as he stood in disbelief. The world felt as though it had stopped for a second and he felt her tense.

'Rachel are you sure? How would they know that? Are you sure you're not paranoid?'. His rambling made the situation worse, and it was only after he'd said about her being paranoid that he knew his mistake.

'Sorry', he mumbled watching her eyes shift from his.

He'd had visions of how he wanted this day to go, and it was not like this. He gave her a few moments, before deciding that this was it, and in a rash second, he did it.

'Now probably isn't the best time for this, but I er .. I have a question'.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N**:

It's only a little one before the final chapter! A big thank you to everyone still reading and a huge thanks to Mrs Carmichael, hannah5240, Lynny, RachelMasonFan39, fayeftvanity, LittleH12!

Please enjoy.

The collateral damage of love

Her heart thundered against her chest and the sweat brimmed along her palms. The uncertainty of what he would ask alarmed her greatly. She was a planner, and anything of a spontaneous manner frightened her.

Eddie looked serious.

'What it is?', she questioned nervously. She took a moment to decide whether she should have been sitting or standing for this. In an ideal world, she would have preferred to run, but that wasn't an option anymore.

'Rachel ...', he began. He didn't quite know how he would ask her. He looked just as nervous as she did. It was the fear of rejection, just like that very time at the pub. He had always vowed never to feel like that again.

'Eddie, what is it?', she asked again. He could sense her fear and knew that he had to ask her, quickly.

His hand moved to balance on her hip, and she instantly looked to his actions. She couldn't bring herself away from his gaze, and knew this was important.

The atmosphere began to increase in intensity.

'Will you marry me?'.

Will. You. Marry. Me.

Her whole body washed over with a hundred different emotions and she felt paralysed.

A minute passed.  
Two minutes passed.  
Three minutes passed.

He wanted her to be his wife.

Melissa's sister. Phillip's aunt. Holly's aunt. Holly's step-mum. Eddie's wife.  
_Adam's ex wife_.

In an instant she panicked. What would everyone think? She hadn't even properly divorced Adam yet. This was ridiculous and there was absolutely no way she would follow in Mel's footsteps.

She broke away from him and took herself to other end of the room. Her heart broke for him. She had caused him pain again and this time there was no escaping. She watched as he took a seat at his kitchen table and brought his head into his hands. He looked broken, and she felt responsible.

When would she ever stop hurting people?

Throughout her life, she had always felt an instinct to run. She never liked to face her emotions and felt afraid to put her trust into anyone. There was, however, one man who had her trust. Eddie. She had learnt to open up to him, she had learnt to rest on him when she became weak and she had learnt to love him.

This whole time she had continued to watch him, and her heart felt heavier and heavier. Slowly, she reached him and felt the need to comfort him.

She suddenly stopped.

Had he been crying?

His eyes appeared red and heavy. In disbelief, she ran her thumb across his cheek and she gasped as she felt them slightly damp. Eddie Lawson had never cried. He cried for the final time of losing her. He had put everything into saving her and she had declined almost everytime.

It alarmed her, and somehow she knew that it was her fault. This was her wrongdoing. She wouldn't do this anymore. She had spent her whole life protecting people when in actual fact she had been punishing them. She had hurt those she loved, and so, she would not do it any longer.

She didn't want to be afraid anymore. She wanted to give herself to the man who deserved her, and honestly, she trusted him with her life.

She lifted his eyes to meet hers. She gave him a small smile and used her other hand to entwine their fingers.

'Yes', she whispered.

He gave it a moment.

'Yes?'. He was almost sure he knew what she meant, but he wanted reassurance, and she couldn't blame him for that.

'I want to be your wife'.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N**:  
First, I would like to thank everyone for reading this fic. I never thought it would gain as much interest, or that people would invest so much time reading. This was only ever going to be three chapters max, and so, I thank you for giving me the opportunity. A big thank you to Mrs Carmichael, fayeftvanity, RachelMasonFan39, hannah5240, Lynny and LittleH12 for the reviews! Also a BIG thank you to anyone who has commented on this fic from other chapters.

I've sat on this last chapter for a while now as I wanted to do it justice. I still feel nervous to post it, as it's not what maybe everyone would like but ...

As promised, I have a new fic that I've started and I will begin posting that in the new year.

Please enjoy.

The collateral damage of love

I **am desperate** to be okay.  
I **want** to be okay.  
I **am** finally okay.  
I am _Rachel Mason_.  
I am _Eddie Lawson_.

**. . . **

Here they were, another session and unbeknown to them, it would be their last. This whole process of self healing had been a journey, and it had finally been time to start another. They'd been given time; and that had been the greatest healer. To say that they were completely healed would have been a lie, but over time, they'd found safety from a dark place.

The last of the four white walls.  
The last of the awkward silences.  
The last of the madness.

One last time.

'Marriage', stated Dr Williams as he looked to the both of them. He knew Eddie would ask her as he'd told him in a previous session. He'd spent a little while pondering how he would approach this and noted that he had to be cautious. It was his job to make them okay, not to hurt them.

He watched as Eddie took Rachel's hand and gave it a light squeeze to reassure her. The doctor realised that even though she held a strong and determined personality, Eddie had dominated her in a way that protected her. Eddie had saved her everytime.

'Yes. I know you don't agree-', Eddie said, however he was shortly interrupted by the doctor.

'Let's stop, just for a second. I want you both to just stop. I want us to think back to your first sessions'.

**. . .**

_Dr Williams: Okay, session one. Rachel Mason. Am I correct?_

_Rachel: Yes._

_Dr Williams: Why are you here, Rachel?_

_Dr Williams: It's okay. Just in your own time._

_Rachel: I- .. I feel broken._

_Dr Williams: You feel broken?_

_Rachel: I'm not sure how to carry on._

_Dr Williams: It's okay to cry, and it's okay not to be okay._

**. . .**

Focus returned to Rachel, and she felt slightly anxious at the prospect of having to dive back into the most terrifying place. Aside from her past when she left home all those years ago, this had been a time that she'd really hit rock-bottom, mentally.

'Rachel, when I met you for our first session, how do you think you felt?', he asked cautious not to overstep the mark. She was still somewhat delicate to the matter, and he didn't want to trigger that.

'I was angry', she answered quietly.

'No'.

'I'm sorry?', she asked.

'You were broken'. The doctor replied as he studied her. He could have sworn that she looked embarrassed, and he didn't want her to feel that way. It wasn't something to feel embarrassed about. On sensing this, he elaborated further. It wasn't an attempt to upset her, he just wanted Eddie to understand that she really had not been okay.

'You told me you couldn't carry on'. On hearing these words, Eddie took Rachel's other hand and carefully portrayed his concern. 'Rach, why didn't you phone me?', he questioned.

'I wasn't your problem anymore, Eddie'.

**. . . **

_Dr Williams: Session one. Eddie Lawson._

_Dr Williams: So, why are you here today?_

_Eddie: I need to talk about things to someone .. you know, other than my . . . girlfriend._

_Dr Williams: Okay, so, how do you feel today?_

_Eddie: I don't know, but I know one thing._

_Dr Williams: Go on?_

_Eddie: I'm not happy._

**. . . **

Doctor Williams thought back to Eddie's first session and recalled him being exhausted and not happy. He'd remembered the day so well. The first time he'd recognised the link between the pair and felt an overwhelming feeling. Even after years of experience, he couldn't be sure he'd be able to handle it. It had frightened him.

'Eddie, you weren't happy'. It had been a statement rather than a question, and Eddie felt obliged to explain.

'I couldn't talk to Melissa', he mumbled awaiting Rachel's reaction. Talking about Melissa had been sensitive to the both of them, and he half expected her to pull away from him, but she didn't.

'You were in a bad place'. Silence overcame them again as the reality of the doctor's comment washed upon them.

'I was, yes. Now I .. I feel alive again'.

. . .

Minutes had gone by, and Rachel and Eddie watched as the Dr shuffled some papers on his desk. Satisfied with a certain sheet, he walked back over before taking his seat again. Bringing his eyes to them, he watched as they looked quizzing at him.

'I want to read you my notes from when I met you. Now I'm not a note keeper, but at the time I felt compelled'. His words were sharp, and he cleared his throat before he began.

'Eddie Lawson. Open in words. Expresses how he feels. Angry instantly when questioned too much. Likes to be in control of his feelings. An estimation of a few months- that's how long I predicted your therapy'.

'Rachel Mason. Closed, reserved, will not keep eye contact. Will be hard to crack. A severity'.

. . .

The doctor knew that neither Eddie nor Rachel would have liked what he was about to say, but he wanted to be honest. He wanted them to be happy, he really did. It was his job, however, to prepare them for the reality. Rachel and Eddie could leave today and have the life they deserved. They could raise Holly as if she were their own and live an uninterrupted life for years and years. But, there was also the lurking reality that Melissa could return at anytime and cause a stir. She could rip that from them and cause a whirlwind like before sending them both into troubled waters, and they'd drown again, and he knew that this time he couldn't save them.

'It's not what I think. You can be angry Eddie as you think I'm not happy for you, but that won't help. Rachel, you can be cautious, and continue to secretly hide that you feel a little anxious, but that won't help'. He watched as Eddie and Rachel looked to each other before looking back at him.

'So what are you trying to say exactly?', Eddie quizzed as he leant forward in his seat. Observing the doctor, his patience started to wear thin.

'I was here to save you. I watched as an unknown world swallowed you and nearly took your happiness. I've been cautious to let you be free. I wanted to heal you, slowly. I know that you love each other, and by God you're right for each other but I didn't want to rush it. There's still a lot of healing. It's like removing a plaster too early'. His words confused them more, and they felt the urge to disagree.

'A plaster?', Rachel quizzed as she began to worry, much like the doctor had predicted. Over the last few years, he had began to know them better than they knew themselves.

'It either allows the wound to heal naturally or provides a chance for it to re-open', the doctor answered as he cleared his throat. He watched as they took a moment to digest his words, and he awaited on Eddie to say something. Rachel was a thinker, and he knew she'd take her time before asking anymore questions.

'What do you think?'. Just like Dr Williams had predicted, Eddie pressed further.

'It's not about the plaster anymore'.

'It's not?', Eddie questioned once more.

'No'. Dr Williams gave a short but stern reply.

'Then-', before Eddie even had the chance to ask his next question, Dr Williams took it upon himself to answer. He knew him all too well.

'This has been something deeper. Far deeper than I've ever known', the doctor explained, observing them intensely. He hadn't been lying. This case had engulfed his life for the last few years, and he knew he'd be finally closing in. Taking one last final moment, he removed his glasses, shredded the notes he'd read on them and spoke for the last time.

'This is the collateral damage of love'.

**THE END.**


End file.
